beingMe....just me and thine thoughts...

2011-10-04T07:33:00.001-07:00

I finally tendered. Been dreaming and hoping for this day to come and I can't even count the number of times I have been hoping that all of us will tender together and boss will be in shit. Yet when the time actually comes it was kinda hard to do it plus it's easier to rem why we wanted to leave when she is being a pain in the ass rather than being a nicey person. I honestly do feel kinda bad though, it's like I burst her major happy bubble that she finally managed to fight for something to make our lives easier even though it's not increase in pay. Guess just got to rem all those shit times, those last min stuff, lack of personal time, can't take leave, all her mind changing stuff.
Now all that is left is sam ham and I really pray and hope there is some sort of way we can do to make things fall in place for her and let her have a chance to go to estee and get out of this short changing place.

Sent from my iPhone

At the airport

2011-04-09T08:14:00.001-07:00

After all these years I still surprise myself at how much feelings I still have at the airport. Was waiting for him as his flight land before 1030 so I thought of giving him a surprise pick up. While waiting I still feel the excitement of seeing him, the the adrenaline rush of going to the right terminal and right gate, the anxious waiting and wondering if he will spot me...it's a place where I can see and feel all different types of emotions and when I sit there waiting and people watch..and it still kinda overwhelm me after all these years. Like the group of ah beng waiting for one of their gf, the funny prank they play, the little boy waiting for his dad who stop throwing tantrum once he spot his daddy and break into a big smile and cheering go daddy go to hasten his father in coming out..so amusing to look at, so sweet and lovely scene.

I rem when I first work at the airport I felt so lost because it's like too full of people, too overwhelming at times. Yet till date it remains one of my fav places precisely because how it is always exciting, so full of life and bursting with so many on going things. How interesting it is that from now on it will still be very much a part of my life other than all the working and studying memories, now I will have other new memories to add to the collection

Sent from my iPhone

Unhappy

2011-02-03T07:48:00.000-08:00

I feel so tired but just cannot sleep..dunno why but just feel very unhappy and down..totally emo mode.. It's not only about the fact that he has to work and won't be around during the new year, I think it's more to the whole getting married thing is really starting to settle in. It just start to really hit me that once married, you hot to so called adopt the other family and have to really do things on behalf of your husband when he is not around and that doesn't just include his parents alone..it's really the whole extended family thing already like be it you like
It or not your are bounded by responsibility and right now I feel really stressed out. It brings everything to a whole new level of stress and not just about wedding detail stress or Reno stress, wedding and house stuff will be a one off thing but life after that is a whole lifetime of alot of responsibilities..and all of it is so foreign to me and I don't even know if I'm up to it and can i live up to ppl's expectations especially when I'm the kind who hate ppl telling me what to do, like oh your house must do this and that you must faster have kids blah blah blah it's all damn irritating to me.. I feel so old right now and I don't want to, I don't want to grow old and den die and leave everything behind..I wish I can just stop time or age and den continue to do other stuff without getting old old

Sent from my iPhone

Thoughts

2011-02-01T01:57:00.000-08:00

Even though CNY is nearing but I dont feel any real festive feel/excitments and stuff... probaly this happens as you get older because so much more things to do as compare to when you were young. As kids we just wait and yearn for the day to collect hong bao and try to sneak as much food as possible since this is a rare time where you can eat so much nonsense and wont get any scoldings from parents. Right now, you just cant really be bothered to eat all the cookies and stuff and money wise? its just so- so because the real excitment now is to catch up with friends and relatives

Probably this time round I dont feel good because there is something stuck in side and it cant be gottn out so it feels damn....unfinished. Is friendship only worth this much or does this happens because a real friendship wasnt really there in the first place as the initial part was just fun fun fun? As much as I dont want to get bothered by it or think about it, but really, you just cannot help it but think and think....it just sux to the max.........

And everything is the start already....he is officially flying and although i've said before and i know i can have my own personal time and friends when he is not around, the thought and feeling that he isnt around is also a weird new feeling to experience, i guess the impact hits especially when its festive season or when he cannot go gatherings and stuff?

new feelings, new hurt, new thought for the new year

Ramblings

2011-01-21T02:28:00.001-08:00

I feel kinda sad...my top choice of flat gone just like that already..although I Noe it's a very small chance that we will be able to get the loft but at the same time I just can't help but feel sian..Haiz I hope what I c is correct an that I will be able to get my second choice but right now I honestly fun really dare think about it already..

There was something else that I wanted to blog about but at this point I'm just too sian to even rem already :(

Sent from my iPhone

Reflections

2010-11-30T00:42:00.001-08:00

Just got to know another of my closer group of frens is preg n due in June..I seen the both of them together since jc all e way through uni and was at their wedding as a jie mei and now they going to be parents soon.. Damn happy for them cas I know they been trying for one for some time already n I know they will be great parents Cas ever since I know them they are Like the model couple.. Everyone is moving up the next stage in life and it's hard not to admit that I'm turning old. Even though in about a year time I will be getting married and going to the next stage in life also but it just feels very different like everything is surreal. Like something I imagine out from a book or like looking through a looking glass tt tells me what's happening next but once I look away everything goes back a few years

Many things to think of to reflect upon, to ponder over......

Sent from my iPhone

Mood: Depressed

2010-11-22T18:47:00.000-08:00

I feel.......totally depressed. Maybe its not enuough sleep, maybe its the stress from knowing I have so much to study and not enough time to do so, maybe its all the work stuff and money stuff....i dont really know now....i guess its a mixture of everything.......

Honestly now I dont know if I can make it here or not or even as a marketer......i just feel like i cannot come up with all those many many interesting ideas Yanny can come up with and run it successfully also....and its like yes i haven done this before but this is her first job too and she can...or was it cas she had at least near 1 year of guidance from a proper marketing manager which I dont or is it like what Candy said Im such a practical person that I cant be imaginative and stuff? I just find it so hard to think of stuff, its precisely I cant come up with ideas that's why I take such a long time........maybe i should go back to sales, more practical and straightforward?

First post with iPhone

2010-10-27T09:25:00.001-07:00

> I finally can resume blogging with ease all thanks to the iPhone darling got for me..seriously after using it for only a few days my initial skepticism kinda vanish into thin air Liao because it is really very fun and convenient to use..quite easy to kinda get the hang of it also..honestly like I always complain whenever I want to blog I can't cas either by he time I reach home I'm too tired or totally no mood to blog.. Nw I'm damn happy I can blog on the go whenever n wherever I wan
> Am feeling quite happy and worried at the same time also.. We finally manage to get a decent q number after all those tries..good thing is our q no is so damn food, 9 out of 1217 snatching for 66 flats so is a confirm will get just only a matter of which unit..bad thing is I feel worried about all the money we have to pay especially with the wedding coming up n with a flat coming up so fast I feed kinda overwhelmed cas it's like everything is happening all at once,like so many things to absorbed in at the same time. When I was younger I used to think tt by my age nw I will be successful in my career n I will have enough money to do everything I want..though I have nv thought hw my wedding should be like, I always dream of how setting up my own house will be like. I had tot I will have enough money to do reno, buy all the nice furniture I want n deco the place exactly how I like it to be n I always tot I would have enough time to save and do everything at one shot..in reality ESP for now where the situation has changed so suddenly all the I tot this and tt are going to fall apart..I'm nt complaining about it like it's a bad thing, just kinda caught by surprise plus kinda at a loss cas all along like got the din have dun have notion den now everything kinda falls in place. Can't wait for the day we get to buy our own flat n select the unit! N this time I know for sure I will experience the right type of feelings when I go select the flat, the right type of anxiety, the happiness of getting our place, the blissful feeling and of course having a partner who feels the same way too
>
> Sent from my iPhone

trying to test from mobile

2010-05-13T08:33:00.001-07:00

testing the second time

testing

2010-05-13T08:31:00.001-07:00

testing

Bleak

2009-03-04T09:51:00.000-08:00

Have a great urge to blog but dont think i can if not once i start i will go on for a long time and tomorrow i got to be in office early again damn sian....many things going through my brain, be it work, relationships, the economy, a job......and the list goes on....many many stuff to ponder about and think....i wish i can have my off all over again....sianz

Misery

2009-02-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

I feel like fuck.....in total misery....i wish it was all a big bad dream that i'll wake up from it....... it hurts so badly that i dont know will i survive the pain....the dull ache lingers like a thick haze hovering around....wont dissipate.....

New spot

2008-11-05T10:16:00.000-08:00

Should i change my blog space to livejournal? I still love this layout but kinda feel its a wee bit small...live journal's bigger plus i used it more often than here with all the online shooping stuff.... *ponderz*

On a side note, I really really think i should make more effort to blog....keeps my standard of written english 'sane'....Feels that its getting to a terrible standard with just because I have to tone down my english to suit the nature of my daily work. Anyway, as of last thursday 30/10 I am officially spects/lens free after soooooo long.....prob 16years of half blindness? Finally went for lasik after yearning for it so darn long which results in me being soo much poorer even though its on instalment.....i just wish either money drop down from sky ( who dosent) or all my bad debts decide to come back suddenly which is next to impossible if not why is it call bad debts? And 2 close fren weddings together this month dosent comes cheap nor does it helps to alleviate the terrible thinness of my pathetic account. *sigh*

A First

2008-09-10T08:50:00.000-07:00

I did something today that surprised even myself.....I actually sat at Mac for 4 hours just to pass time and read a book....its not as if i din have any work to rush, its just that for the past 2 days i've been forcing myself to chalk up on slp so much so that when I finally have enough of lazing in bed today my brain was in such a tofu state that I have no idea what to do except to stone around....went to take a long bus ride and found myself wondering around aimlessly at TM. it felt interesting to have no agenda, to wander around just for the sake of passing time...i didnt know what i was doing, didnt know what i want....i even contemplate of watching a movie alone, something that i always swear i wont do cas its like so pathetic to watch a movie alone...it just suddenly occured to me that hey maybe it isnt it pathetic at all to watch a movie alone, i just suddenly understand that its just a way of spending time alone with thyself...anyway i didn cas i was getting hungry and because i didnt want to go home, ended up buying a book i been thinking of getting and holed myself up at mac to read...going back to the same place where i spent countless hours studying for exams esp during uni days, seeing other student studying in the unofficial study corner at mac really brought back lots of memories and it made me feel very different.

Long leave

2008-06-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

Totally no mood to do anything when I have tons of paperwork to do....Have to wake freaking early tml too but still trying to make myself finish some of the outstanding stuff....Suddenly just wish that i can take a long leave to do nothing or just go somewhere and roam about alone and spend time with myself.....too many people need time and attention from me that I seldom get the chance to spend time with myself....not much private time to speak of, to pamper myself and have a nice long rest.......maybe spend time to just attend scraping workshops sounds so nice, like i say today i just want to learn and do art n craft not do paperwork.....or going for pottery class sounds good too.......I yearn the time when i can have an idyllic day learning crafting or just go for scrapbook classes and learn some new techniques or skills......*dreamz*

At the Verge

2008-05-26T08:01:00.000-07:00

I guess there will always come a time when one reaches a burnt out point, a point where you just feel like giving up and throw in the towel at everything...Guess now that's the point im at, everything is like so overwhelming....i feel like i dont even have the space to breathe now...so many things to be done and i just dont have time for anything....time to rest, time for myself, time for others...time to complete everything...........right now i feel like breaking down and have a good cry, guess this is where all the stress sets in and i cant even be in control of myself anymore.............i hate gss....i hate xmas!

LAunch!

2008-05-14T09:23:00.000-07:00

CKIN2U @ Tangs relaunch

Estee and Oliver having fun!

Me and our yummy mummy posing all the way!

Cant think anything when we change pose hence the kuku pict!

A nice proper one

Group pict!

Amanda and emcee Oliver playing WII

Thoughts

2008-04-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

feel as if I haven been blogging for the longest time...as in the so called penning down of thoughts and feelings and everything....suppose to be doing work but just damn lazy to get around doing it...anyway GSS is starting and everything is coming all over again....just started the first lot of my overlapping shows....somehow felt that I gained even more things through this 2 promo, much more than other times because of all the things that happened with cyclobs...suddenly felt very appreaciated and touched by my staff...its like yday when tangs team treated me to coca, during some random talk we were having about work, ps and leo were mentioning about how the lenght of time im here and everything were discussing about if i like this kina job scope running around and everything and asking if i will change jobs when jenny suddenly say to me ' ay ya dont need change jobs la go everywhere work also the same one '....its like coming from her it touch me even more cas i can feel the support coming from the whole lot of them, i me an its not only what she say la but its also cas other things they mentioned....also my df promo team...damn happy and proud of them, not only because of the sales they did but because i have seen how much they have grown during the time i handle them....also feel even closer to them cas of the support they shown and how they showed that they appreaciate the effort i put in for them....its not about wanting to show off or prove my worth or show off to my staff...its just that it feels good that they recognise how much i help them and the things i do cas not everyone will understand what RMEs have to go thro...

Stoning

2008-03-31T03:55:00.000-07:00

Happened to be at home today...just done dinner and was staring at my dad doing the dishes and suddenly a thought just pop into my head - Is this the kinda life one will have after getting old and married? I realised my parents super have no life....like they barely have real frens at all..no wonder they expect me to be no - lifers like them which is next to impossible. I think they have a boring life....day in and out do the same thing....it just strikes me that I dont want this kinda life, I dont want to be those stay at home kind the whole day and let my brain slowly turn moldy and mushy like tofu....I'll want to keep working to keep myself occupied and work my brain... might not want to get married too...really dont see the point of getting married after seeing all the things around me....kids nowadays are really too much to handle...its damn expensive to have one and even harder to bring him or her up properly.....married with kids end up super no life also....

Anyway am contemplating whether I should hit the button....wondering if i should just get myself away before all the madness comes in....toying with the idea of hong kong....did i mention going there alone? Have never travelled alone....might be interesting

Fucked up

2008-03-30T12:10:00.000-07:00

Apparently I have a FREAKING temper and FARKING no brain to THINK

At the grand old age of 25 I FARKING dunno how to be considerate to those sleeping at home at 5am in the morning

I cant FARKING THINK before I act

Oh...I have a FARKING LOW EQ too

So in order for me to learn my FARKING lesson

Just be another farked up person to come and cow peh me

And if im so farkingly farked up

Den just get the HELL away from me!

Unhappy

2008-03-29T11:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people just have to face the hard truth
Nothing stays peaceful
Nothing stays the same
Everything changes constantly
One can be lured into believing that sometimes there might be happy endings
But nothing last forever

Sometimes one thinks that there is something call sunshine after the rain
But one always forget that the water cycle is an ongoing thing
It will never stop

I wonder what is going on the other side
Wondering what is going through that brain
I just want something simple
Yet the simplest thing is often the hardest thing

DeJa Vu

2008-03-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

Had dinner cum supper with TJ today plus I needed to return him money....we couldnt decide what to eat and while waiting for him to arrive, somehow at Mac I keep thinking of what happened the last time, prob its also because of one of the places I suggested was the placed it happened. Anyway we ended up at Changi ( again! but not nasi ) eating some dim sum thing which i didn know about. Was very taken in by this 2 big huskies...damn cute looking but i pai sei to take picts....so taken in till the last time on my mind was bumping into SY. Super best lor....of all ppl his side of frens again....and the terrible deja vu sets in.....somemore now is really not the time to have such misconceptions cropping up again like the last time...im sooo afraid of history repeating itself....those repetitive uncertainty and horrible feelings i went thro the last time.... really dont want to think about it ever again and i dont wan it to ever happen again....now i just pray everything will be back to normal....i dont want it to drag on and on again like the last time...it sux to the max and experiencing once is more than enough!

Anyway went to eat the red tea thing again....had a live show going on....some ah pek was bleeding from the whole side of his right face and the front of his tshirt was soak with blood sitting in front of the dessert store....the horrible thing was the blood was dripping and his hands were bloody too and he still use it to wipe his face again and fresh blood came out.....the best thing is he was sitting abit too calmly drinking duno beer or tea chatting with another guy who was CALMLY looking and chatting and smoking with the bleeding ah pek!! AND the 2 aunties selling dessert ALSO continue sell dessert while stopping for sometime to chat with the ah pek! when i mean chat is really CHAT, not the ask him how is he kind...is more like those asking him 'hey hows your day' kinda chat.....i was like so amazed lor....its so WTH...how can someone be bleeding like that and so many ppl sit there as if nothing happen? Anyway the police came and there was a big hooha with many ppl staring and kpo ppl like me and TJ trying to listen and peep at what was happening....apparently the story is that some guard toilet bangala who always get into trouble fight with the ah pek and hit him till like that....made me wonder why the bangala not scared kana send home cas high chance when he go hm mayb the loan sharks there might kill him and his family cas obviously he borrow money to come here guard toilets. Maybe he dont like guarding toilets or maybe he dont mind going back and fight with loan sharks

Wonderings

2008-03-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

Im kinda sian by this layout

But i still like the black gloomy feel

Black quietens me.

Suddenly appreaciate the fact why people make comments like will you rather be happy and poor or unhappy and rich

Yearn for those student times

Poor yes but happier, more full of crap and much more carefree

Does financial freedom really makes one happier?

How does one balances out all the opportunity costs in life and dont live to regret?

June's Wedding

2008-01-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

Gosh...its been a darn long time since I last blogged....like I always say, too many things to be done and too little time to complete them....anyway just came back from June's wedding....3rd fren's wedding that I attended but this is the first time i felt really touched at a wedding....the speech by June and Zhi wei left most of us, the division A gers sniffing away....and the surprise jazzy song that Zhi Wei sang made our sniffings last even longer....I was quite surprised with myself too and rather embarressed when I started sniffing ( heng the rest also likethat ) cas I din expect me to feel so touched....at that moment they made me change my mind about not throwing a banquet when I get married ( if I ever get married to someone which Im not that keen on )....Eunice was commenting that she also cant help but tear cas everything just touched her heart deeply....sigh....we were all saying we aint want to get married but ended up mindset all kana shaken by them....sweet wedding.....shall post more of the picts when Jocelyn and Jennifer pass me the picts :) Had a nice time nua-ing with the gers also after the wedding at Harry's since it was near the restaurant....been a long time since I hang out with them like that and tok cock and discuss about the Hong Kong trip in Feb...all of us were crossing our fingers and hope we are allowed to go there earlier and shop instead of the 3 days...best part is dinner and dance will most prob be at the Cinderalle ballroom at Disneyland hotel...so ma fan and so damn far and inconvenient.....I just hope we dont end up having a disney theme....still, we all had a good laugh planning what to dress up as....7 RMEs = & dwarves, Beauty and the Best for Kelvin and Gina...cant believe all the weird nonsense we came up with....

Anyway am now still contemplating should I send in my details to that headhunter....got headhunted to go Chanel as their operational manager....keong said I should grab and jump if there is a 30% increase in pay....sigh....somehow even though its one level up from my current position, I just have the gut feeling that pay might not match up to what im getting now...shall c how it goes...
me and amanda

me and Jocelyn

me and June the bride

me and Jenn

Random Picts

The suit me and Karen bought for Ashley, Jo's ger

cute little Kavven

at the hospital with the drip full of my blood

Mind boogling jumbles

2007-08-24T11:04:00.000-07:00

Haven been blogging for a long time...wanted to blog about the trip I had cas this trip taught me alot of things and see things in different perspective, something that I didn before the trip... probably its cas I dont really have a single peaceful moment when im here, constantly being bugged by calls....anyway had so much things to settle till by the time I have time to blog its the same as always, all the thoughts and feelings inside all gone till dont know where...sometimes on the train certain chimilolagy thots just pop into my mind and i can think of wonderful sentances in chinese that i wanted to blog about but since i nearly got the memory of a goldfish, i forget most of it by the time i get home so will end up blog hopping again...

I feel really sorry about this fren of mine who went to my co for interview as an ME, only to have herself kinda degraded down to MCO...even though i agree that her current job scope in her current company is only that of MCO, but its like if nobody want to give people like her a chance, how the hell new blood comes in? Its like the poor ger has been getting tons and tons of rejections cas she dont have relavent experience in this and this industry. I mean, if you happen to be interested in a certain industry and you wanted to give it a try and you get rejected cas u dont have relavent exp, so does that mean you will be forever stuck in the zone that the job market or hiring employers draw you? Iremembered sometimes I used to curse and swear or envy people who need not work at all during their school days to earn money and people who can really enjoy their holidays to the max and not be like me, school full time and 3 different part time jobs....I also know for a fact that i have my whole entire life to work my ass off and thus i should be enjoying school holidays when i can but i never have the luxury to do so....used to blame tt kuku at home too cas if not for him I wont have to work like mad....Yet now that when im working here and esp after seeing the situation of this fren of mine, i cant help but be thankful that hey I got such and such working exp even if its part time cas its relavent to the industry....its like i finally see some fruit of all my sch time labourings....I realised that all my part time jobs somehow all interrelates to whatever im doing now...even doing camps also proved to be an advantage since it shows that i work well in groups and that i somewhat have a certain amount of skills needed to handle a large group of kids...like the saying always goes, there is always a cause and effect relationship to everything....that i truely appreaciate it now and im really glad that i stuck to what i like cas i rem someone used to tell me things like "hey u are a uni student lor..what the hell are u doing in DFS selling stuff?? Is that going to help you in your job next time?? You should be looking at part time office work!" That did make me hesitant and thought long and hard about it cas I know that there is a certain amount of truth in that advise but like now im super glad i held on cas i can strongly say now yes, whatever PT i did last time all relates to my current job.

人因梦想而威大，有梦想才会努力去挣取。但是会有多少人可以梦想成真呢？有时候梦想使终还是个梦。。。儿时的当儿，大人终是说想要的东西就要自己努力去争取，要负出才有結果。可是长大后的我却体会到有些东西你越想要的机会跟渺茫。。。有时候再怎么付出都没有起色。。。

Post Purchase Dissonance

2007-07-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

Post Purchase Dissonance is a marketing term used to describe the feeling of regret or anxiety in consumers after making a purchase. The level of dissonance is dependant on factors such as the amount of the purchase, the number of choices availabe, the ease with which the choice can be reversed and on individual's ability to control emotions such as anxiety. Usually, the higher the cost of the item will lead to an increase of experiencing dissonance in consumer. Also, the larger the available choices, the higher possibility of dissonance also because consumers will suffer from panic attacks that the choice they did not make seem better than what they bought. Some ways to overcome dissonance are : to reinforce the choice made by the consumer was the best choice for him/her and to make the item that was not purchase less desirable

im suffering from post purchase dissonance...damn

My First Time!!!

2007-07-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

Weeee.....first time be a makeup model for makeup demostration today....had IPSA event at Tangs and i was asked to be the makeup model for Itosan ( the jap makeup artist )....was really an interesting experience cas haven do this kinda thing before...its was fun but it feels very weird too when i c one bunch of people all staring when he was doing the demo...kinda feel like a goldfish for people to stare at sia...initially both my frag staff and IPSA gers were all giggling and make exclaimations when they realised that I was their model for the day and they were even more entertained when they say me doing my hair and everything...got an even bigger reaction when they see me with all the makeup done cas i look totally like a PUNK....punk hair with makeup which everyone say should go chiong like that...some of my staff and colleagues couldnt even recognise me when everything was done...the only thing thety could do was let me see their gaping jaws...haha...the only shit thing was the bloody photographer sux to the max!! He cannot even take nice picts lor...i can take nicer picts with my own hp, dont even need his big SLR can!!!! And he dont know how to ask people to pose nicely for picts! The pose he ask us to do all turn out like shit!! Ended up the poses me and me colleagues choose turn out so much nicer than him!! Darn....this is probably the first and last time I get to do this kinda thing and he has to spoil it. Wad a kuku...

Yearnings

2007-07-22T11:51:00.001-07:00

Been a long long time since i last blogged...couldnt use my own comp to blog even since it kana some bug which results in the crzy way my comp has been acting all these while...anyway my work days have been much quieter now that all my hectic GSS promos have ended and im enjoying my time slacking away and not doing the work that im suppose to do. Right now as im slacking away and feeling sleepy, tons of outstanding issues are hovering around waiting to be done...yet all i can think of doing now is finish my potter book, sleep to the max, phone totally leaving me in peace and spend my days nua till i happy....i yearn for those times in school when i cant wake up or if its raining or im just feeling plain lazy then i'll just call someone to help me sign attandance then skip school and sleep the day away...cant do that anymore..so freakingy sian...sometimes i wish i could slow down, yet at times i contridict myself cas time seem to pass slower when you aint rushing for anything....sianz...my mind is turing so mouldy from the lack of blogging till i cant even remember what i wanted to blog anymore....

Current yearns

Shopping!! shoes...bags...
Sleep
Nua
revamp my room

I fucked up big time

2007-05-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

I fucked up big time today at work and now I've got the consequences to bear. It wasnt that I forgot that resulted in this incident. It was more to a ' I dont even know I am needed to do this' kind of thing..I knew i wasnt going to get out of it easy because a certain reputated shopping center came up with a huge ad this coming friday featuring certain special buys and because of my wonderful mistake, there werent be any stocks to sell at all and its end month so accounts is closed which means there is no way to get stocks out. Which in turn means that there will be NIL special buys even when there will be a big fat full page ad in straits times and this is going to cost that departmental store its reputation. Plus the fact that my divisison is the store IC and this project is my big boss's, there is going to hell from the store to my big boss and from my big boss and my direct boss. I fucked up totally. One mistake. If it gets outa hand probably they will fire me or something. Was already near to tears when I let my boss know what happened and super felt like crying at the floor itself. Picked up my fone to call a someone but i stopped myself the last minute because he mentioned before that he's sick and tired of hearing me talk about work and he hates my work plus if i talk at that point of time I will really burst into tears there and then. Wanted to hold tears back because that wasnt the time to hide in some toilet and cry cas if I come out with swollen eyes tongues will wag like hell and I dont want to make things even worst than it is if word gets around.

Was on the way back to town from office with 2 other RMEs and we 2 handling fragrances was counting how many promos and setups we have for the next month. Both lamenting on the amount of shows which means how no life we will get. Both planning where to go for a break after all the shows and I was getting so excited cas the updated list of shows states that i will be really free in July, only 2 minor indoor shows cas all major shows are pushed to June so i'll be free after 2nd week of July. The 3rd RME suddenly mentioned that we all need a life because work isnt everything and we should all take annual leaves asap after the whole hoo ha with GSS which hit me because someone else said that to me earlier than her. Anyway now it dosent really matter much when I'll be free to take AL and go off somewhere....even if i really am going somewhere, i think i need to go to some places alone where all i do is sleep, nua, spa and relax the whole entire time.

For those who are free after work, feel VERY free to find me in town for dinner for the whole of June because I got tons of promo going on. I have shows EVERYDAY for the whole month.

1st - 7th June - Taka MBB promo
- Scotts promo

8th - 17th June - Shaw house outdoor ( got free movie tickets)

15th - 21st June - Truely Pink by Vera Wang @ Tangs/Vivo

22nd - 28th June - Happy Summer at Tangs/Vivo
- CWW Wave @ Scotts

22nd - 1st July - Hereen CWW Wave

Backlogs of photos

2007-05-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

me and dodo @ cheesecake cafe

Random pict taken @ batam

Some expert picture

Kitty cushion tt i lust in a far away land

Going for cafe del ma event....

Finally can blog!

2007-05-19T10:07:00.001-07:00

After so many days of cant log into blogger and post my pictures...i FINALLY can post!! Hoho

My cute little kitty coin bank with her body guard

Me and Dodo with our precious kitties made @ the bear place in vivo

Kimono kitty call mew~ with her body guard!

Me hanging out with dodo

Miniatures of my 'wonderful' CKIN2U that drives me nuts till now......

Latest additions to my collections

The cute little toddler @ Taka Mos burger that made me n Jo fell totally in love with him

The little mosaic coaster that I 'spoilt' the design

Taken at this Korean restaurant @ some hotel behind Funan. My darling dodo treated me to this buffet. Looks disgusting but its yummy!!! The pot is this weird shape hat looking thingy, top part is for you to BBQ then below is a little moat like thing for the soup

This one's a picture of all the various kinda kimchi but I love the ikan billis the best!

Du Lanz@Office

2007-04-29T21:25:00.000-07:00

Stuck in office currently....needed an avenue to rant...all thanks to stupid HR for making me rush all the way down for ntg just becaus they dont even have the basic courtesy to inform us earlier that meeting is cancelled. Wad the hell....feeling super pek chek cas i got so many things to do and so little time...even trying to order lunch in is also suay cas they actually close on a monday!Deadlines all come together one by one...its swamping me...seriously i feel stupid....shdn haf wasted time the night before yday sticking those tinny mosaics one by one into a little secret code thinking that it would make the receiver happy when given during the supposingly steamboat dinner today...ended up all i got was a 'see how it goes'....if i had noe earlier den i wont even haf rush 3hrs and spend the time doing the bloody roster so I wont be in such a pathetic state now...been trying to fork out time as and when i can to hang out yet i think things just dont feel the same anymore...someone has been acting weird ever since the arguement and im urghhzz??@!!!#...

Drainedz

2007-04-12T05:54:00.000-07:00

Im worn out...feel so totally drain with all energy being sucked to duno where...during times like this is when i feel every single inch of me is gone...being totally sold as a slave to work...i feel it overpowering me, taking control over my life such that there isnt an individual me anymore... am turning into someone with work hanging over my head constantly...i wonder how long more can i take it...i wonder if the opportunity cost of giving up working in a line i like in exchange for a peace of mind and regular rest time is worth it anot....will i be happier doing something i dont like but i'll still have a regular life like the normal OL with regular 9 to 5 jobs? He's right...i dont have a life that is called my own now...even on my supposing off days there isnt any real rest for me cas i'll still be constantly bugged by work...where did my life went to? i cant seem to rem a day whereby its my off day and i have a proper rest w/o killing half my brain cells and thinking of work...its like a shadow looming around my brain...i cant rem when was the last time i had a ME time, a private time for myself...i actually lost personal time to spend time with myself...thats real pathetic isnt it? i feel im being suffocated, dropping into the vast abyss of a bottomless cliff....i wan to get away from all these....need some personal time to be alone and reflect on myself, my actions and its consequences be it on myself or on others....i need to get away...shd have gone to TW... i need to have ME time....seriously...i really do...

Reflections

2007-04-11T10:31:00.000-07:00

I feel useless...like i cant seem to do anything right or im not good enough to make of do things right...like whatever things i cant solve or repond slower, someone else has already solved it for me even before i know something happened...it didn only happened one time time...i mean im glad i have a great mentor to help me out but its just that because she is so experienced and so competent in all the operational stuff that it looks even worst on me when i cock some things up or when she can solve things better for my staff than me...i dont think im that slow in doing things...probably slightly faster than the average people, yet, there are times when i feel im so super slow that i cant catch up with the pace and it leaves me panting like hell....sometimes i noe its my own fault for dilly dallying abit or procrastinating a bit, yet sometimes along the way when i feel i need to pause for a little while to catch my breathe, things just get snowballed....im not even allowed to pause or slow down and catch a breathe...all i need to do is to just slower my pace and it will result in me needing to run harder and faster than usual....am i happy with my job?am i happy in this line?? its a big yes to both questions and for those who noe me will also agree that this suits me plus the money is good...yet sometimes through rough patches, uncertainties will pop into my brain one by one....like am i really up to it? can i really handle the whole portfolio? one of the major portfolios outa the 3 divisions? i dont even know how the shit am i going to handle all the upcoming promotions and shows...its all starting next week and im panicking cas i'll be packed all the way till ard end july when GSS ends....3rd wk of apr a show at ogpp follow by major launch of ck perfume, 3 days at caltex hse during first week of may, launch of another ck follow by a minor promo then a major promo at taka and finally one or 2 more roadshows at hereen....even if the money will be super good, how am i going to survive?

During school days i part time and study at the same time, frens always call me a major workaholic cas everytime when i dont have sch there was a high chance i'll be at work...i wasnt a workaholic because i love working so much but its more to there is a need to work to feed myself...even though i was busy with school and work, it was never like this partly because work was flexible and partly because i know all these jobs will stop once i grad so there wasnt a need to be super committed...now im really turning into a major workaholic due to the job nature and somehow there is obviously a higher level of commitment plus i love and appreaciate this job even more cas there aint that many lucky few who can get to work in a job that you have interest in for your very first job...sometimes when i feel hardworking, i tend to totally throw myself in work and ignore other things and actually find it a satisfaction to do lotsa work and dont mind forsaking personal time...sounds sadist but true....i irritate myself sometimes with my contridictions...like i'll complain and whine to zeppy(most of the time) or phyllis about my workload and yet i still like what im doing....its madness.....i hate myself...hate my messy room with all piles and piles or paperwork....hate being taken lightly by staff sometimes...hate being nag by mum.....and the list goes on....

Haven being able to sleep well the past few days...cant rem how many days...keep waking up in the middle of the night or waking up at 2hr intervals or waking up at 7 in the morn when i suppose to wake up at 9 or 10 and start panicking for no reason....like suddenly just wake up feeling panicky...been having lots of dreams...sometimes mini nightmares...didnt understand why it suddenly happened till it suddenly hit me on the way home....probably its because its been a long time since i tok about what happened and it has been somewhere at the back of my mind hidden....now that its been refreshed, the 'aftershocks' starts coming back...all the hurt and pain during those times...that stupid half loaf of bread...the blood...the smell...the horror of seeing skin split into half and seeing the muscles, the thin layer of fats...the redness of raw flesh and me trying to pick out all the grass and everything on it...the memory of it all...its affecting me again...nt in details this time, but affecting my subconciousness by means of unsettled sleep... even like a short 1hr plus nap just now also result in dreams...its wearing me out...i need peaceful sleep...

To my special pillar of support....

I find myself horrified by what you said just now...felt slapped when you actually did that comparision, as in the way i was forever busy...it sux to know that im doing the same thing that i hate to someone else when i dont excatly realise nor think too much about my actions cas i really cant help it when there are so much last min work to be done esp when m job is famous to have last min things cropping up plus i tend to neglect other things when im thinking more of work...it wasnt something i do on purpose and it hurts to have that kinda tone used on me..i didn want it to be this way but i was afraid if there wasnt a meetup this week then it'll be much much harder to meet up once next week starts...sometimes i dont mention how much things i have to do for fear that you'll push me to do work when its forever neverending...no matter how i do it wont end cas there are always more that needs to be done...sometimes i wonder if i deserve or am worthy of you because you have always been around, be it lending me a listening ear for me to complain and whine about stuff, being able to tok cock and crap with me...for putting up with my nonsense and stubboness...doing all kinda sweet things, doting on me and treating me like a lil princess..yet most of the time im so preoccupied with work that i haven always been someone around....though i dont say it out, you haven been a great pillar of support all these while and letting me learn and see things in different light, different angles.... saying thanks alone cant justify all that you did....whatever it is, just to let you know that me heart heart you too ya? :p

Updates

2007-04-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

Been wanting to update for quite sometime but totally not enough time to do so...now when i wanna blog also cant really rem what i wanted to blog about le...anyway it was interesting to do the sentosa event...my first time learning how to PR at these kinda event....felt weird though cas its something so foregin to me...and i really didn like it when that particular mediacorp guy hang around a while to talk cas i totally had NOTHING to tok to him about...weird to know that he's my age yet cannot communicate.....

Well now feel more scared by work bcas by next week I will be taking over the whole portfolio... dont know how am i going to handle everything sia...now im only taking 3 brands and its already quite hectic and terrible....7 brands i dont know how i will die...plus im still not sure about the other 4 brands stuff...haiz...

*lazy to update liao cas i cant rem...continue when i rem*

Random

2007-03-26T07:13:00.000-07:00

A Ring....

Is a circle, a hoop that never ends

Is a straight line with both ends stuck together so you dont know when's the start and when's the end

Is something you wear on your fingers

Is a symbol of promise.....

What does a ring means?

The other day I was out...cant remember was it yesterday or the day before....I saw something that made me feel touched and sad and emotional at the same time....when i was going down the escalator, i saw/hear this old grandpa asking his wife if her legs are acting up cas it was raining heavily at that point of time....the next thing i knew he was holding her up and supporting her while she walk....that tiny old man looks like he going to splinter at any blow yet he was trying his best to support his other half...i just thought that was so so sweet....to be able to be together and stay together for such a long time is not easy, much less than still be so loving after all these years....call me a ninny but i feel like tearing when i saw how affectionate they are and that made me wonder about alot of things......i wonder if many years down the road, will there be any youngster be looking at me and feeling envious and emo the same way i felt when i saw that old couple?

Once upon a time, a boy promised the ger that till the day she grew old and grey and haggard, he will still be the one holding on to her hand while they stroll...yet, along the way there wasnt any inclination that he will fulfill his promise because he barely held her hand for long, not even long enuff to notice changes on her hands.....

Moody

2007-03-23T07:30:00.000-07:00

Just came back from the warehouse sale...some stuff there is really super duper cheap...and its good stuff, not old stocks...as usual, after the setup yesterday, everyone started reserving all the hot picks so by the time it was open to public today alot was already gone...burnt a hole in my pocket too...how can anyone resist a cheap buy? *Gur eyeshadow at $5 each...YSL mask at $30 for a box of 6 when usual price is $120...obviously all of us pick stuff with upmost care since internally we know which are good buys and what stuff are ageing stocks.

The other day Zep met with an accident cas a stupid cabby serve to pick up passengers without signalling...was shocked cas ntg concrete was known since roy cant give a proper account of what was going on....was confused too cas he can actually tok to me over the fone and yet he sounds in pain so i din have an idea how bad was it...anyway heng derrick was in office so we both took halfday and rush down together...both freaked out cas of the unknown...so we spent the day at TTSH waiting...at least i was lucky cas i was the only one who could go into the A&E area...oh, i saw close ups of his bloodied toe and was pretty fascinated by it cas a bit of the flesh was gone and the skin around the area was all crumpled up and dark blood clots were forming too...well... at least he was one of the lucky ones...not too terribly injured even though broken a bit of bones...he just beta dont ever ride bike again if not a certain someone will SKIN him alive, break him into little pieces and feed snakes...

Someone ask me the other day about hows my r/s with the SO and if he stands a chance to come after me...then he mentioned something which has already been mentioned in the past quite sometime ago....brought up those questions that I cant answered a year ago...that time he asked why am i still holding on to someone i love but who aint loving me right or communicating with me and why cant i let go and go for him since he is someone who will treat and love me in a much beta way? Dodo always tell me the same thing too...that its beta to be loved and treated well by someone than to have it the other way around and always be the one giving in. Cas in every r/s, someone always love the other more than the other love him/her. Selfish thinking, but there is still some element of truth in it...its a defense mechanism for people who are afraid of getting hurt...yet, how is one suppose to be truely happy?

Anyway, at this point of time i in totally moody mode due to some incident...not blaming anyone or whatever, i just cant help but keep brooding over it since there are always constant reminder and its just.....just feels damn weird....probably i need to burry myself in work so that i will be distracted and not think about it and maybe it will tire me out so i wont have the energy to brood also...

The road once trot upon seems quiet and dark, yet the path in front is filled with haziness...face to make choices at the junction, which route shall thou take?

Cleo Event

2007-03-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

Went for the Cleo event last night....the only word i can use to describe the whole thing is 'himbotic'.....its a totally senseless showcase full of guys who only look super good in the magazines all thanks to photoshop....when u see the real thing muz seriously discount quite a fair bit....i guess the wonders of makeup and photoshop applys to guys too...the whole event wasnt like a competition or anything...dont even know how they actually pick the winner since there wasnt any real criteria for them to compete....they only need to show face, play some stupid games with the screaming gers and the whole 'competition' was over in slightly more than an hour...the only time me, lene and irene went mad was when they started doing the strip tease dance...wooh~~ i love 6 packs! those abs!!!totally yummy!and the way one of the guys dance was cute!! he jiggle his ass till the floor was screaming their guts out...we 3 gers were telling the organiser next year muz make them strip to their boxers! haha

Anyway the whole PR thingy at this kinda event was fun! its my first time being a VIP cas my perfume is sponsoring the event. The food was yummy and free flow of champanges and other drinks plus you kinda get royal treatment. Its interesting to meet the people from cleo in flesh since all i ever noe about the whole lot of them was by reading cleo...oh they brought the guys around to meet the VIPs also but I just feel like the guys were quite fake...still its fun to PR around and have fun....now i shall cross my fingers and hope the sentosa event will be fun too!

Bening Appreaciated

2007-03-09T20:52:00.000-08:00

I gave someone a lil surprise after work cas i thot that will bring some cheer to that person...it wasnt some big-hoo-ha-party kinda surprise, just a small gesture of simply bringing some food and drinks and did 'work visiting'. It wasnt something i haven done before since im the kind who will 'work visit' frens if im very free but yet its different this time. it made me ponder about if i do the same thing to a certain someone, that person will propably be not very happy because i'll be in the way and affecting whatever job that person is doing or my coming down is a hassle....i do agree that its best to draw lines at work esp if 2 people are too close but i dont feel that small gestures like that will affect alot..it just hit me alot this time around cas its like : hey someone actually appreaciates my efforts in coming down even though i was worn out....its just soooo different in a good way....suddenly feel that what someone told me was quite true....sometimes love alone juz aint enough....

NIL

2007-03-03T22:34:00.000-08:00

I woke up feeling terrible, not only because i slpt at 630 earlier on or because of my bad throat or fever or swollen eyes or because i haven do my paperwork.....but because of the words that was exchanged earlier on.....it sux and hurts to know how much one can hurt others when the person is suppose to be someone close to you....i feel like a big fat bloody bitch cas im the cause of everything bad.....probably all these is happening due to my own selfishness, probably i should have waited and let myself settle everything first, collect my feelings and thought and emotions before embarking on a new course of action instead of dragging people along with me into my shit....i dont know how long i need to so call collect back and sort out everything before im finally ready, im so confused at this point of time now that i dont even know what i want or what i want to do....i feel very weigh down, very burdened by alot of things esp work....i feel myself suffocating, i feel like i dont have a quiet private time for me to recuprate and breathe..... everything i do, everywhere i go im rushing and rushing and rushing....like now, i can see 2 big paperbags bursting with paperwork and yet i cant make myself go attack them cas im feeling damn affected now....not blaming anyone but sometimes i wonder why izzit so coincident that such incidents always happen when i have a terrible workload to handle...the last time this happened i ended up doing roster till 6am and it turns out to be full of shitty mistakes which till now i haven rectify all of it....whats wrong with me? i just feel like i cant do anything right and why do i always contridict myself? sometimes i wish i can smack myself to wake up my idea, like i cant figure out why am i so stubborn and keep harping on the same few issues and not let them go till i spend time pondering over them?am i too stubborn for my own good? one day....all it needs and take is one fine day for me to crack and break into pieces.....

i was utterly stun when he can mention extracts of my blog perfectly well when sometimes i cant even rem what i wrote

my blog is my own personal space to pen my thought and help me think through stuff better...its soley for myself, it dosent exist for anyone else and its my habit to not mention names on issues that are impt to me so dont come and take my blog as a platform for recognition....just because i mention or dont mention about you dosent mean i dont recognise you or your efforts....if anyone is in a position to comment on you efforts it will definatley be me cas i know the most....

Thinkingz.......

2007-02-27T05:18:00.000-08:00

Finally blogger stop rejecting the stuff i type....been wanting to blog for ages but everytime when i feel like blogging i got no time and when i actually have time to blog, the stupid thing cant work...anwayz i think i need time to slowly sort out my thots and look through them one by one...too many things have occurred since my last blog....too many changes going on around me...sometimes the changes are so drastic that i dont know if i should embrace or flee from them...sometimes i think im a stupid selfish bitch trying to make one ton of bombs explode and sometimes i think im like some hungry ghost trying to gobble down 2 plates of food at the same time and making myself suffer from major indigestion...

I think im a living contridiction...all gers do i guess...sometimes i get damn irritated with myself like i know i should or should do something but i aint doing it....sometimes i feel stress and suffocated by work and feel totally no life, yet at times I love my work...but at the end of the day i just wan to have a good peaceful rest...

That day i met shooting star...i rem how it used to brighten up my days and lit up my darkest sky with the little bling bling light it gives off....yet, as all shooting starts, it goes as fast as it came, a while stocks last thing...i almost forgot about it, forgot about all those times gazing at it... was kinda taken aback when the star came by again....totally unexpected....it got me to wonder did it feel weird to fly by again after so long of MIA???izzit that easy to just forgot everything about the shared path?

I guess thats the reality of life....people come and go, leaving different kinds of imprints and impact on your life....like for the star, it walk me through my darkest moment and suddenly left when i kinda got stronger....probably it belong to the group of people who are 'helpers', someone to see you through your downs and go on to support other people once the task with you is done....who are the 'stay-ers' in life den? Are they people who u choose to keep or those who choose to stay? I dont know which group do either of them belong to, duno who is the helper or stay-er?But i do know that it will become even worst then the star...

This particular sentance hit me hard cas i really find it meaningful, something to ponder about - take away all the caring and nice, what do you like about him? and so what do others see in me to make me likable?

Brithday

2007-02-12T08:29:00.000-08:00

Had a real shitty day @ work and i almost want to die under all that stress....haiz...had to rush down to counters after a super long day at work....was rather sian too cas someone fly kite for my so called bday dinner with dodo n bernie....cant help but feel sian even though there was really a legitimate reason...anyway he tried to redeem himself by leaving something sweet at my doorstep, something that no one has actually done for me before...haha...well...even though those chocos aint my fav, the very act of making the effort to squeeze a smile outa me and cheer me up is really sweet and worth lots more than those stuff in the bottle itself...thanks zeppy! but i still wan a big fat treat so dont you even try worming yourself outa it ya? oh my darling dodo got me this pair of cute custome made earrings plus this stress reliever thingy that really made me laugh....i seriously think i will need it liao lo with the amount of work piled up! thanks dodo darling! was really happy with my custom made shoes too! it kinda feels so interesting to know that i own the one and only pair of that particular shoes in Singapore plus even if its out in stores they wont b selling white ones! hehe...thanks to zep and derrick that i got thoes shoes!! pls the custom made card and tag, i think this year bday i really got quite a few custom made things sia...thats like so cool....hohoh......was really super happy with the watch sabbie and gang gave me...it was really such a nice surprise man....with the little cake and titus watch....so sweet of them! really very cheered up by them that day...................

Am really glad to have one bunch of such people to bring me laughter and cheer and it really warms my heart by those actions of these sweet people....even people like mervin, junior, alan, melvin, ted came and wish me, stg that wasnt expected.....oh not forgetting kai wee too who actually called juz to wish me and gave me one ton of bday song cas he knew i wasnt celebrating..one really need people like this in your life to brighten up your days....and to zai rong and shikin....you 2 really made my day too with your wishes! *hugz*

Sick

2007-02-05T08:04:00.000-08:00

Had fever and down with flu since Sat but only went to see doc on Sun cas really bo pian..i cant possibly skip work for 2 days w/o mc rite? anyway when i finally had the energy to drag myself out of bed to go to the doc, the stupid place was close....i didn know it was halfday on sundays... and its like by the time i cycle to elias to see doc i was already feeling pretty wozzy....felt super weak and head spinning so really felt damn shit when the bloody place wasnt open! Felt really pathetic cas its like im sick and there wasnt anyone with me at that point of time...did contemplated if i should ask him about the 24hr doc at his hse but decided to go tamp instead... maybe its cos my head was spinning or maybe i was just careless...whatever it is, i kinda lost control of the bicycle and went off track onto the grass...dont know what happen excatly also but somehow when i tried to swerve it back to the path i suddenly collided with the macdonald delivery bike and i just fell over with the bicycle on top of me...it was when i realised i actually somehow rip off the chains on the bicycle that i just cant take it anymore...just felt so shitty about the whole thing and just cant help but broke down...probably was feeling really vulnerable at that time i guess....well...he came down and accompany me to the doc...thanks ya? that helps alot...even though i always make fun of you and laugh at you like mad, i seriously appreaciate the way you have been around for me all these while and im also sorry for messing up your life...

he pissed and upset me with those heartless crude remarks too and somehow it always made me feel terrible...i still haven reach the stage where whatever he said has NIL effect on me...i guess when that happens then i will noe i finally and truely get over everything...everything that has happened.....................

First post @ office

2007-01-28T23:04:00.000-08:00

Darn...this is so depressing...it just occured to me that I may not be able to take leave in March because im still on the stupid probation....damn...there goes my wonderful plan of HK... hmm...guess maybe i can squeeze all my off days together or stg? *depress*

there is still so much to say.....yet as always, not enough time...i seriously need to have some time alone to rest and think......but when?

Feeling.......constipated

2007-01-28T10:42:00.000-08:00

I feel overwhelmed

Feel the need to unload and get some stuff off my chest

Yet as usual I cant cas i've supposingly more important stuff to do

Why do I feel affected by merely those few words?

Why do I let myself sink into the guilt pool?

Its madness to feel happy and sad at the same time

Lost yet certain

Im confused

Need to think quietly.....alone.....

Somewhere between the train ride from home to work yesterday made me decide to shelve my plans of saving for a wardrobe and change to a short overseas trip after all these promotions

A short trip overseas alone sounds nice.....

This is the only way to get some real rest instead of those fake off days i been having

And the place shall be Hong Kong

I Finally Got Abit Time to BLOG

2007-01-25T10:41:00.000-08:00

I finally got time to blog...been wanting to blog about so many things yet not enough time to really sort out my thoughts and write w/o compromising work...workload has increased greatly over the past week and this is only a start...cant imagine how jia lat it will get when all my promotions are in full swing...my full workload haven even kick in yet and frens have been commenting i look terribly worn out liaoz....thats bad...im only handing 3 brands now...does that mean i will disappear soon once i get the whole portfolio of 7 brands?anyway like i mentioned before, i do feel there is a lot to learn from this job and i definately wont want to give up just like that, like all those before me...been hearing and getting some little prep talk by office ppl telling me to hang on and things will be better when i understand how e verything works...plus i unlike others b4 me, have almost NIL commitments so its quite ok for me to throw myself totally into work...i've always been a workaholic anyway and when you get so occupied with work there isnt a need for you to anyhow think or ponder over unneccesary stuff....

So far workwise is still so far so good minus all the things im blured about....even though the hours sounds crazy i still like it la...me really cant stand the typical stuck-to-the-desk-9-to-5 job...at least i can wake up abit later to go work...hee....people in office aint too bad...a bunch of nice people Boss included...sometimes i seriously think that boss is one funny and crazy woman... e kinda things i see her do or say really make it hard for me to believe that she's a boss...she dont really act like the kinda boss i expect when i come out to work...staff wise of course there are a couple of 'funny' people around but the rest still seem ok for the time being...probably need more time den i will see what kinda tail they show out...oh this part timer of mine call zai rong is seriously cute too...he really entertains me man plus i can actually label him as a nice fren to have...i cant help but keep laughing esp when he tries to tell me bedtime stories to make me slp earlier...and he can actually chide me when i din go to bed after the stories cas his theory is after listening to stories one is suppose to feel drowsy and slp once the story ends!! How not to crack up with this kinda theory sia? oh and it feels rather weird when shikin actually start calling me boss cas i din even think of myself as one...she's really sweet sia....it'll be nice to get to know her more i think..and she gave me a pleasent surprise too cas she was like very happy when i replied her after she sent me the daily sales sms...to me its polite to reply so that she will noe that i receive the sms but to her she its stg different cas other RMEs dont do that....

Anyway today was my off day....or should i call it SUPPOSE to be my off day....at least this is e first time that i din went back to counter on my off day so i shdnt complain too much about getting all those nonsensical calls....i seriously dont htink i can ever have a proper off day w/o hearing anything from or about work....probably i must go overseas then i can truely can get away from everything for a lil while....was really touched too when i learnt from little boy that he and shikin actually tried to discourage 'mum' from bugging me today cas im off....somehow when he told me about it i suddenly just felt that hey at least there are people who actually cared enuff if i have a proper rest day anot....at least im more like a fren to them than a boss....which is what i wanted...i dont want to be or have some stupid boss attitude or barrier cas i dun like this kinda thing....i just wan them to be able to take me as a fren who can actually help them when stuff cocks up....well whatever it is, at least today i did have some personal time for myself to rest n relax (even though was quite pek chek when kana calls halfway through manicure)....went for a mani and pedi cas i dont feel like cutting my own nails plus my feet is so terrible and so covered up with dry dead skin that i have no choice but to seek professional help...was suppose to go for steamboat with zep roy and his gf too but apparently roy kinda disappeared den said was busy so called off the whole thingy...damn pai sei also cas zeppy waited for me to finish my mani/pedi for like 2hrs????that kuku must be ate too much gong gong yday thats why went there so early to wait! was shock cas i thot he reached ard 6 and i seriously think he aint the type with patience....went to watch another movie 'Babel'....cant believe i actually watch so much more movies in this month alone as compared to the last two years... hmmm.....anyway am really sian to know i have to work tml....have to really work more this weekend due to taka 10%...im starting to hate shopping centers.....

Thots....

2007-01-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

I want to blog

I need to blog

But there isnt the luxury of having time to stare at the comp as thots flow through my fingers and turn into words

Lotsa stuff swimming around the brain

Turning back into a major workaholic with greatly increased stress levels

I miss my dodo very very much

I need a proper off day...there hasnt been an off day where im truely OFF

A Song

2007-01-21T09:51:00.000-08:00

最近
演唱：李圣杰

你最近不说话怎么了，为什么
是不是有什么事啊你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱, 有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

成天是这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束不要再疼苦
下一次会有更好的情路

爱我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

Bloody Busy

2007-01-19T10:36:00.000-08:00

Getting busier and busier....all thanks to all those promotions due to vday n cny nxt mth...been only working for like 2 weeks and my workload is going to drive me bonkers soon....been too tired to really blog about anything liaoz...anyway today was a total freakout day man...first time im so bloody careless and lost my hp...left my wrk hp in the ladies at Raffles City and I din even realised i left it there till i went back to counter...was all prepared not to get it back but amazingly the filipino who pick it up didnt off my fone...she actually bother to wait and tell me where she was so that i can go find her and get it back....lucky i call her b4 she board the train to AMK and even more heng she not greedy....everyone was super stun when they heard i manage to get it back...think im too tired or stg....since when am i the kind to be so careless and lose things?

Rantings

2007-01-09T06:07:00.002-08:00

I suddenly appreaciate the saying that when you take MC for a day, your work just pile up... how totally true it is...cant understand why there are like so many emails in a day, especially when i like just started??? and it totally dosent help that i haven get my own seat yet bcas my department is full to the brim so everytime i go back office i have to 'bunk' in with my boss and obviously i dont have access to the computer since she has more impt stuff to do than me....just glancing at my emails alone made me blur...and it feels darn weird that Im being discussed in emails like i dont exist, discussing if i should be doing certain stuff together with what im being thrown at currently...its just...weird.....anyways i just realised that there is really tons n tons of things im expected to do and handle once i get the hang of the way things work in this business... everything is still so new and foreign to me...maybe if its skincare like what i had been doing last time probably i wont feel so lost since im much more at home with skincare as compared to perfumes...yet i am really thankful and appreaciate that i get the opportunity to learn in this job cas not everyone can get a job they have an interest in...and although im scared that i'll cock things up with all the new responsibilities thrown at me, at the same time i dont want to lose this super good learning opportunity and waste it....hopefully i'll be ok sia...*cross fingers*

that aside, im still trying to make myself to tune out to what has happened....thot i can do that real quick and get most of my spark back... yet those few words he said threw me into turmoils again...just when i tot i can calm myself down...i dont wan any stupid hopes anymore... no more...there has been too many of it and i dont want to believe anymore.......fragilez.............

Im tired of everythingz.......

2007-01-08T07:35:00.000-08:00

Took MC today...really didnt want to take when i barely start work but seriously felt that even if i went to work i also wont be able to really concentrate and most probably give a dead fish face... anyway was already kinda sick before this so might as well go see....had a really bad time last night...really felt like i not only got verbally slap but literately verbally punched or stabbed in many places....yet all that was said last night gave me a very different perspective on things and it made me suddenly understand and realise a lot of things too....like why i keep thinking we have a communication problem but he dun seem to think that way and keep siam-ing when i tried to bring it up...or why he thinks im always making a fuss over this problem and i dont htink im making a fuss cas communication is impt in a r/s...or why so many of my frens feel that he takes me for granted and yet he dont seem to think so.....or y he seem to be cant be bothered with me, seem aloof....would haf think thro more stuff if only e stupid msn din hang n den din save everthing in history...now i oni can rem tt e stuff he said hurts like hell cas its like so accusing...like how he said tt i depend too much on him, say he always haf to take care of me n everything...say im slow and inefficient in doing things....e most dumb thing is he actually said he always try to meet me first before meeting his frens which i think aint very true lor....wad the shit...n i think apparently his idea of a r/s is to have someone to fit him, not someone to complement him or to strike a balance and come to a common point with that someone....cant understand what kinda mentality is that...it sounds so bloody selfish......

Seriously I think i really have enough of all these....im fucking hurt and sick with everything... especially with how he blew things up and fit me into the mould that others created years ago... i feel that it aint fair to me at all cas why is he comparing, labelling and linking me with the past? Ya i understand that past hurts and eveything will have a shadow on your present, i myself had the shadow too but its only when you learn how to walk out of those shadows that you will find release and be at peace...i did it though it wasnt easy...i learnt to let go of it and stop it from tormenting myself....so i dont c why is he still not letting go of the past and still holding onto it so bloody closely and enforcing everything to me? arghzzz.....

Its like everything is a total nightmare....everything is happening and changing too suddenly for me to take it and absorb....sometimes i just wish that i'll wake up from this nightmare and everything wont be so confusing again....or i'll slp and then somehow all e hurt and bad memories will suddenly vanish so i wont feel so bogged and burden by everything....yet i noe this wont ever happen....right now i juz wan to haf peace and be at peace with myself....block everything out and concentrate on work properly cas i cant afford to cock anything up... i need peace......i need to forget....cas what happen yday is still too raw, too fresh till it hurts, and i feel miserable, rotten, shittified, confused......and i feel like a whimp cas i feel so confused tt i was ready to burst out in tears when i was out alone....den i'll feel piss with myself cas i think im being stupid and so i contridict myself and den i feel shit and den e whole stupid cycle repeats... totally going bonkers....buay ta han wif myself......i hate this....

Update of my Wants

2007-01-04T06:30:00.000-08:00

8/12/2006

1) $$$$$$

2) that addidas looking boots I nearly bought today --------- dont nid it liaoz

3) that pair of Gripz shoes that I've been aiming for like 3months??-------------want to buy no more liao

4) that wedgie @ Far East (bo pian...now experiencing a shoe fetish phase)--------still KIV

5) Clothes for work!!!!! (ZEP!!! when the shit are we going shopping!!???)------------its never enuff

6) Ipod--------------still lusting and haven start saving

~~7) Fancl tense-up & supplements~~

8) Laneige cleanser----------buy cheaper alt Biore

~~9) Princess Hours + Kim San Soon vcd~~

10) Brown Addidas jacket that cost $119----------------------------- got one in Jap liaoz

Current Wants

1) $$$$$$$

2) new wardrobe from IKEA and maybe a new room revamp?

~~3) work pants~~

4) xun qing ji(old show), jing zhi yu ye and this show i cant rem the name VCDs = 3 set of VCD

5) that nice shirt dress from Joop and the Le Range top

6) ~~a pair of slip on flats~~ or very low heels

7) new contact lens cas apparently my degree increase again

8) the far east tube dress and ice lemon tee belt

9) a nice document bag that cannot look orh biang

10) Lasik

FINALLY

2007-01-04T05:47:00.000-08:00

Waaaaaa!!!!! After soooo long of not allowed to blog when I want to, I finally found out WHY I wasnt able to blog! Duno what cookie from this page and google was under duno what restricted website on my comp so now when I switch privacy settings to low then I CAN log in...and I have a very strong idea who the hell did it to my comp...WTS....anyway it feels good to blog again....got so many things to blog till I dont need to blog already....overloaded....anyway shall just highlight on some key stuff I want to blog about

Today/Yesterday
Yesterday was my first day at work...was feeling really apprehensive about it but thanks to people like zep, my all time fav dodo phy and sian ming who gave me the much needed encouragement....first day went quite ok, was rather shock that the big boss actually took everyone out for my welcome lunch at crystal jade...and being one table full of gers we actually took a 2hr lunch at J8...the gers all seem nice, not the old boring kind but more to one bunch of crazy people whose voices and laughter you can hear like miles away....would love to know them better but think thats going to take a long long time since I wont always be in office unlike them whose jobs are all desk bound....anyway felt rather blur by all the stuff that Boss was telling me about...so much paper work and stuff to learn and understand and it seems confusing! Hopefully I'll be able to do it properly bah and dont cock things up.....

Today went to do store visiting with Boss....went down to all the counters I have to look see... was stun when she actually ask me got buy bra with her since M&S was having a sale!!!! I mean its weird leh...today only my second day and im shopping bras with my Boss??? Anyway learnt more about her as a person cas we talked alot today...about her work, personal life, office stuff.... etc....well just hope that my days in this job will proceed on smoothly...I dont want to step on her tail sia! She gimmi the impression that she can be super nice but once you step on her tail you die...RIP....well overall today was interesting although its tiring to visit all 11 stores at one go... end up done with work around 4plus and when I was back nua-ing and online at home chris n mingming want to faint cas I off work so early while they still in office!!! haha dont worry chris I promise next time I will go RC eat lunch with you ok??

and congrats to

My darling first wife( she who shall not be named to give her some privacy)
Feel super happy for her because she got a flat with her beloved!! Wedding bells on the way so I better stay saving up ya? Best part is she's going to live near me!! haha Im going to spoil her future kids rotten!!!

BigBro
This one also another one whose wedding bells are ringing even SOONER!!! Hope the proposal goes well ya?? Very happy for you too!

all these aside, i hope that I'll be happy with my own life too.....and free from the burden thats squashing me down now....

Stupid Blogger

2006-12-31T12:23:00.000-08:00

Bloody blogger....waited for like more then a week before I can actually log in and post...still thought can do daily post when I was in Jap....by the time i finally can log in im already so dead tired...so many things happen and so much to blog...now really too tired to blog...haven been really sleeping...I need a proper rest...super moodyz and worn out with everything...like I said before...if more things come my way I wont be able to take it...and I forsee myself being swallowed up and get lost and drown in all these happeningz....going to cant take it soon....others always say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger....but what if it kills me?what will become of me then???shall blog again when im in a more awake state of mind.................................................... *one foot on the path to singlehood*

A Bolt of Lightning....

2006-12-20T09:50:00.000-08:00

A bolt of lightning...that's what you are and not a star...as sudden as it lights up the darkest skies, it was gone as fast as it came...just when the dark skies starts to really appreciate the flash of light that cuts through it...it was left with darkness again, left with nothing, back to square one with additional hurt because the sky mistook and thought the flash of light was a star that will hang up there for quite some time... the shock, the hurt, the bewilderment...izzit all real or was it just a passing dream that there was that flash of light? everything is too much to bear so the rain clouds came and left, left behind a gap, a hollow in between the skies...if only that flash of light will change its mind and come back as a star just like what the dark sky thought and not a bolt of lightning....for now its time for the sky to see if the clouds will part and reveal the moon...

Steadfast promises can be emptied...forever is ambiguous...trust that seem so sincere and took time to build up can end up as a powerful hurting tool...the world is always revolving, nothing stays the same...everything is always changing...gut feelings are a good form of judging whats unspoken...

p/s you will be missed not forgotten....

p/p/s if there are more hurts coming along the way...i dont think i'll be strong enuff to handle everything...too much has happened, too little time to absorbed and digest....i wish this was all but a big bad dream...

I Am Unhappy

2006-12-12T03:12:00.000-08:00

I am unhappy...super duper unhappy and moody...hearing it coming from other people makes it even worst...even others are feeling indignant for me...I dont think I have much perserverance left...Im tired...weary...tired of waiting and hoping and what I only get back is disappointment...it sux even more when he just ' slap' me in the face and say Im always irritating him...can you actually for once look at the reasons for the problem/actions instead of just plainly looking at the symptoms? There are reasons for every action...if you think Im always irriating you why dont you do something to recify it like telling me about it instead of leaving me clueless and wondering why Im always at the receving end of your temper...What I lack now is courage, courage to break free, courage to step out of the comfort zone and into the unknown, courage to embrace the unfamilarity and determination to force and propel myself forward and move on with life....guess what my dodo, sian ming, rando...etc said is true after all...that I deserved better and there are many better guys out there...that I should go and date around and dont restrict myself so fast...Like what I've been brutally hit after hanging around more with friends recently...Friends care and are more concern about me then him...Friends were the once who shared my joy, my anxieties and comfort me and give me assurance when I was feeling down and not him....and its not that he dont know Im feeling down...I just dont see any form of actions at all....I guess to him maybe Im not even worth a friend...

On another note, after talking with someone last night, it suddenly hit me hard....as in what am I doing? What does my actions says?My intention was only to have fun and enjoy myself while stocks last but izzit really the case? Does my plain intentions really seem simple and innocent to others as it is to me?

Just a lil short post

2006-12-10T08:43:00.000-08:00

He's back...and Im soooooo dying to confront him about it just now when he told me he's back....the words are just itching to get their way outa my mouth but I stop myself cas I thought it will be much better if I confront him about it face to face...I just simply dont see the logic...the explanation wasnt even plausible...how can 2 pictures suddenly got deleted away and cant be upload when you can happily put in that stupid picture along with others??Tomorrow...tomorrow shall be D-DAY!!! Grghzzzzaaz....'Hi sweetie'????my blood boils even more...

Thoughts....

2006-12-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

Remembered that I left out some stuff in the previous post about horsing around at Roy's house...We actually wanted to take Jerry home after making him drunk and everything but ended up staying over since everyone except me and Roy were all totally pissed by the alcohol. The guys ended up drinking way past what they intended since Jerry was freaking lucky!!! He actually keep winning at all those cards games we played and ended up we drank more than him...anyway I didnt really fell asleep there so I just jumped at any sound I heard in case Jerry wakes up and puke again....so I knew who woke up and who slept all the way...well, both me and Zep woke up when Roy was going to work...both stoning and nua-ing halfway when Zep decided to go to the loo....I wanted to go too but went to the loo in the room since he went the one in e kitchen...the funniest thing was Zep started cursing and swearing cas he discovered that the toilet bowl was full of FLOATING SHIT mixed with toilet paper and it stinks like hell!!! Thank god I didnt went in! Anyway I was certain the poo poo was done by Ted since he was the only one who woke up halfway...it was freaking funny when we confronted him about it....his logic of not flushing the toilet was this - he couldnt flush all the stuff away so he decided to cover them up with toilet paper since the shit looks ugly and then wait a while more before trying to flush again....ended up he fell asleep so the shit was left like that for hours!!! Gross!!!! Think the toilet was kinda 'choked' since too many of them puked inside hahahah.......

On a more somber note, he went to Genting today with his friends and I couldnt confront him about the picture...I dont think Im being petty...the point is it just dont feel good when I see it in his friendster...thinking about him just makes me uncertain, confused and whatever negative thoughts one can associate....sometimes I seriously dont know if I still have the courage and preserverance or if I should push on after all this time...its like whats the point of pressing on when I dont really feel the reciprocation??? Too many thoughts swimming around and I cant really think straight....maybe it'll be easier to think properly if we can actually have some proper communication...his actions and words sometimes just contridicts each other...it really makes me wonder what am I to him...wonder if Im still important, still being cherished, still wanted...or maybe Im just a convenient form of entertainment, someone he goes to only when he needs help or when things are needed to be done or he needs some taking care of....I need answers...I really do...everything is getting harder and harder now....without answers its hard for me to decide what is the next step I should take...will this trip be the last??Really dont feel like going...totally no moodz....seriously, I think I enjoy myself more when Im with my own friends and I realised that they seem to care about me more than him...if so whats the point of having me around?? or izzit that me being around is the norm for him and he feels that we are stable enough to have nil changes? when he told me that our r/s is stable I really dont know to laugh or cry.....stable?? this is call stable?? if this is called stable then I dont know what isnt.......

My Wantsssssss

2006-12-08T10:10:00.000-08:00

Its the season for GIVING!!!! so WHO wanna gimmi all these????

1) $$$$$$

2) that addidas looking boots I nearly bought today

3) that pair of Gripz shoes that I've been aiming for like 3months??

4) that wedgie @ Far East (bo pian...now experiencing a shoe fetish phase)

5) Clothes for work!!!!! (ZEP!!! when the shit are we going shopping!!???)

6) Ipod

~~7) Fancl tense-up & supplements~~

8) Laneige cleanser

9) Princess Hours + Kim San Soon vcd

10) Brown Addidas jacket that cost $119

11) TBC

Updates updates updates

2006-12-08T09:48:00.000-08:00

Wanted to blog after the SITEX show but too caught up with everything so feel too lazy... anyway I was like packed every single day till now...oh...I actually saw that freaking bastard jerk at SITEX can??? *pengz* Cant believe I actually saw him after managing not to see him for the past 2 years....he was with his gf and even though its damn mean to say this but I'm really GLOATING!!!!!! haha I remembered he used to boast all his gfs were 'my pattern', skinny with long hair....mayb its retribution for what he did or maybe its true love or something but his new gf is seriously both horizontally and vertically challenged(mean yes but just cant help it) and the best part is he x1.5 times his size too!!!! I dont know if he saw me but I was rooted to the spot when I saw him and immediately poke Phy to show her....now kinda regret man...should have made sure he saw me (ME=alive and kicking and living VERY well w/o this kinda bastard around me)....still seeing him brought back all those unpleasent and horrible memories... memories that could never be erased nor reduced the hurt he inflicted...am glad that I dumped him and didnt look back no matter how he blackmail me.....oh..apparently there was another jerk too...the one at our booth selling the same products...gosh...would so love to just slap him or stuff something up his ass for being such a shitty person....no need any mention of names...we all know who Im refering to you shorty asshole who thinks wearing sleeveless is freaking cool (maybe its really cool cas u can air ur smelly moronic armpits)

Well, spent the last couple of days slacking and trying to enjoy whatever I can before 2007... went to sign away my freedom on Mon, visit Zep and Roy for lunch and then shop around town....Tues was spent at Vivo with the Sony people watching movie and giving Zep a surprise dinner visit since he's the only pathetic soul who still has to work when all of us were enjoying... Wed was spent fooling around and going crazy at Roy's house...Shall upload the picts once I get them from teddy bear....damn freaking funny...esp all those picts of Jerry....Think I seriously can compile all his funny antics into a joke book or some sort of picture book to look at when Im feeling freaking sian or upset.....today was spent running errands, cutting hair, settling agency stuff and then met Roy Zep and Wen Sheng for dinner at this porridge place at Chinatown... food was nice! I like the tofu but I miss the tofu at Rabbit shop and Essential brews too....Really freaking keen to play somemore since next week I'll be doing another Sony roadshow...think I'll be feeling really moody by the time I come back from Japan...sianz....am contridicting myself... got a job I wanted and yet i still wan my freedom...its darn priceless..........

Past Updates

2006-12-02T10:55:00.000-08:00

Been meaning to update once my Sony roadshow ends but totally no time and packed till now. Roadshow ended on 26th and I remembered feeling so lost....its like day in day out for the past 2 weeks, 12hrs a day I worked, see, have fun with these great bunch of people and suddenly when everything ends its not the same anymore. Though its been stressful at times doing redemption due to those unethical dealers, its been a nice work time for me, a nice memory to have as one of my last few temp jobs before stepping out into the real hateful world. I never imagined to actually made friends with all of them because I didnt have the intention of making friends, only making money because initially I dont see the point of still making friends when most probably I wont work with them anymore after this. Still, I feel that the bunch of guys gave me the feeling that they treat me and Clara like little princesses there, maybe its because we are the only 2 girls there....all those little things they did everyday, from helping us buy food/drinks, asking if we need help when they see us so stressed up, waiting for us when we both were still stucked with the stupid database, sharing food with everyone......seeing all their little actions really put most of the guys I met during my uni life to shame....seen too many selfish pigs around and so seeing these bunch of so unselfish guys really make a big difference......miss those times and the fun we had together, especially all the Jerry jokes that never failed to cheer all of us up!

Anyway, I was intending to slack for 3 days before working the SITEX roadshow....ended up I suddenly got called up for the Luxasia second interview when I thought it was a total gone case. It came as a surprise, even more so when I actually cleared both the second and third round of the interview and I was totally shocked when they called me up in the evening to offer me the job. Stunning!!! Will be going down on Monday to sign the contract, signing away my last few days of freedom before starting work in Jan...Thinking about it made me feel totally stressed up because I dont know what to expect, dont know if Im up to it, dont know if the job and the pay after comm is ok......special thanks to people like kevin,chris and sian ming who helped me in clearing my doubts about what the shit I have to negotiate for the contract etc. And thanks to ted, clara and wen sheng too for sharing my moment of happiness....it really meant alot to me to have people around me at that point of time.....

Shall update more when Im more awake tmr...eyes closing....

Filipino Day...

2006-11-19T09:04:00.000-08:00

Today is a SUNDAY...and obviously ALL the filipinos appear in FULL FORCE at Lucky Plaza...I dont have a think against them and I actually met some really nice Filipino friends BUT the situation today was terrible....everywhere was packed to the brim...I wanted to go toilet also must check out every single toilet at every level....everywhere was freaking full and the quene was horrandous....Anyway other than the super duper crowded place, today was still quite alright since there wasnt enough 1GB memory stick available so that particular shop wasnt able to 'redeem' too much stuff so most of the time me n Clara entertained each other and talk our lungs out....think today's really a very entertaining day especially with Royston's "Mario' act and Melvyn and Ted's subway jokes...the guys wanted to faint when they saw the amount I ate for lunch and I still bought the cheese sausage from Far East when they were buying bubble tea...oh Royston and Ted were damn nice too....bought Mac 50c ice cream for everyone just when I was craving for it after going to Paragon to 'visit' Wen Sheng.....and we actually saw Filipino fighting and screaming upstairs and all the securities came....super duper like in the dramsa....went for dinner cum supper with the guys also since today ended real early much to everyone's pleasure.....had a good time laughing too because the guys are super crappy jokers....

Anyway on a side note....Im starting to be suspicious....and a gut feeling tells me the same thing too...yet to me its weird and so remotely impossible...how can someone who just start knowing you act like this especially when its a known fact that I have a BF, something which I practically announced since day one...in the first place dont even need to mention to him and he knew it long ago...and he actually like hint me??? or am I just being too sensitive?

Freakout day at Luxasia

2006-11-17T08:21:00.000-08:00

Was actually still quite excited about the interview this morning yet everything just went wrong during the short trip from Pasir Ris to Eunos....the stupid sky suddenly decide to rain heavily just when i was reaching Eunos mrt station. Benig the usual me I obviously DONT bring umbrella out....Did contemplate taking a cab in to save the trouble but it was terribly hard to get a cab during peak hour plus it so happen that the bus I THOUGHT I was suppose to take came. Apparently boarding the bus was a terrible mistake because I have no idea y, my farecard actually cant work and it's blacklisted for dunno what stupid reason!!! It was SO embarressing can! Everyone was staring and it dosent help that I look so totally out of place because most of the people on that bus were dressed in airforce uniform....Anyway thankfully I happened to have enough coins and so I just paid up n hide to one corner of e bus and pretend to stare at the floor...So thinking I will reach the interview place real early I happily start counting the bus stops because I was suppose to get off the bus at the 8th stop, walk across the road and get to the building....simple as ABC (or so I thought). The worst thing ever actually happened to me next.....I cant believe i actually end up so 'lang bei'! When I got to the 'right' bus stop, I was like super skeptical...the surroundings were like constructions sites full of bangalas and cement mixers and pilers ( you get the picture!).....and I look totally like a sore thumb standing at the stupid bus stop shocked and dunno what the shit to do....plus it was still raining! All those stupid bangals all staring like hell like lions see zebras or something like that.....disgusting.....so obviously I have NO choice but to try to walk out of that stupid place and try to catch a cab in the rain....really felt like crying because I never so lost before in such a place where all you see is construction sites....and I was panicking because I thought I'll be late for the interview too...tried calling the luxasia office to ask for directions but the lady also couldnt help or direct me at all! What the shit!

At this moment this slivery grey car just pulled up and a guy in airforce uniform asked if I need a lift to go uphill (he thought I wanted to get to the airbase). Told him I was looking for Luxasia building and not too sure where it was. And he stun me by offering me a ride and said even though he dunno where the building was he could make a loop and drop me off at a more 'civilised' place so I can get a cab. Really didnt dare or plan on hitching a ride but at that point of time it's either I get into the car or continue to be stuck in that terrible place and being visually raped by those bangalas in the rain in my white top. Obviously I pick that guy since I didnt think he would try to do anything funny in broad daylight in his uniform and it helps that he's either a captain or a major...cant really remember plus he not that young (late 30ss or early 40ss??) so instints tells me that he should be a regular and there is a high chance that no regular at this kinda age will try to do anything stupid to jeopadize his job. Anyway, although I forgot to take note of your number plate and you wont read this, a special note to John....thanks for the help you gave to a total stranger even though you were really near your workplace, for dropping me off at Luxasia building(saw that stupid building once we got out of the loop) , for being my angel at the point when I was at my worst-off moment and for the well wishes for my interview(the only good luck wish I got). Even though most probably we wont meet again and I wont get the job at Luxasia, I will always remember that I once received help from you before.

And one thing I realised at the point of time when I was trapped there...as in realised why I felt so panicky and lost, it wasnt only because I was running late for the interview with a company that I was interested in, it was because at that point of time I realised there wasnt anyone for me to turn to...same as when I finished the terrible interview and am dying to tell someone what happened to me....I literatlly had no one who was really free to listen to me...its like all my close friends and besties where either working or overseas....and it dosent feel good to know that I cant really tell him about it too....I did tell him the gist of it but thats not the same as getting the whole chunk off your chest to make yourself feel better...he's either too tired or just cant be bothered to really listen...I dont know and wonder why....and what does that imply...its really that godamn hard to listen meh? And Im the kind who super need to rant so that I can get over it....maybe I'm not excatly making sense here but its all mixed up thoughts and feelings pented up too long...

First day @ Sony roadshow

2006-11-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

Today marks the first day i work since after exam. First time doing roadshows and first time involved in electronic products which I have totally no idea what the hell are all those technical stuff. Anyway the people are rather nice, a couple of them are from SIM-RMIT too....34th and 35th intake...Feel super duper old when they asked me which sem I'm in. Oh and even though Im only doing redemption with this other girlo and not selling anything, the guys are nice enough to include us into their pooled commission!! so yeah~~ I'll get a little bit of commission too without selling and without any product knowledge! And after today the impression I have of Lucky Plaza go even more downhill...felt totally disgusted with those cheapobasket tenants who carry sony products too. We were giving away quite a fair bit of freebies for this roadshow with any sony camera purchase and these freebies are better then those offered at other big electronic shops. You know what those cheapos did?? They bloodily pretend to have sales and issue invoices themselves to look as if they sell the camera and collecting the freebies on behalf of their customers. Thus they could happily get LOADS of freebies FREE and can resell them to CON their customers! Gosh I cant believe there are actually people stupid enough to go buy from them (dont count tourists). And there is this disgusting shop call Lu*ky Ce*tre (dont want invite trouble if i display the full name here but u can fill in the black yourself) actually got the CHEEK to dump 80 over copies of fake invoices and made me and the other girl issue freebies to them!!! What the hell!!! *grghhzz*
Oh I was quite excited today also because Luxasia suddenly call me down for an interview when I thought I had no chance already since its been nearly a month since i sent that resume to them. Now I cant really remember what the full job scope is like...only remembered that I prefered the Marketing Co-ordinator job better than this Marketing Exect post. Still, its still worth a try since I really wanted to do stuff related to consumer marketing especially in cosmetics and skincare. Now the freaking problem is I still need to work for sony on friday and the application form Luxasia gave me need 2 references!!! Who the hell am I going to get as my references? And hopefully I'll be able to pull it off on friday....turn up for work a few hours late since clara agreed to help me cover up (hope she dont put me aeroplane). I know this is like the worst thing I ever did when doing a job but hey the interview is important to me and how would I know they will call me today of all days!??? Why cant they call me on Monday then I go interview on Tuesday rite??

it felt good to blog again after so long but shall continue with my whole chunk of thoughts another time cas my eye is super giving me problem :(

testing testing one two three

2006-11-14T05:17:00.001-08:00

trial test