Thursday, February 3, 2011 | 7:48 AM

Unhappy

I feel so tired but just cannot sleep..dunno why but just feel very unhappy and down..totally emo mode.. It's not only about the fact that he has to work and won't be around during the new year, I think it's more to the whole getting married thing is really starting to settle in. It just start to really hit me that once married, you hot to so called adopt the other family and have to really do things on behalf of your husband when he is not around and that doesn't just include his parents alone..it's really the whole extended family thing already like be it you like
It or not your are bounded by responsibility and right now I feel really stressed out. It brings everything to a whole new level of stress and not just about wedding detail stress or Reno stress, wedding and house stuff will be a one off thing but life after that is a whole lifetime of alot of responsibilities..and all of it is so foreign to me and I don't even know if I'm up to it and can i live up to ppl's expectations especially when I'm the kind who hate ppl telling me what to do, like oh your house must do this and that you must faster have kids blah blah blah it's all damn irritating to me.. I feel so old right now and I don't want to, I don't want to grow old and den die and leave everything behind..I wish I can just stop time or age and den continue to do other stuff without getting old old

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Tuesday, February 1, 2011 | 1:57 AM

Thoughts

Even though CNY is nearing but I dont feel any real festive feel/excitments and stuff... probaly this happens as you get older because so much more things to do as compare to when you were young. As kids we just wait and yearn for the day to collect hong bao and try to sneak as much food as possible since this is a rare time where you can eat so much nonsense and wont get any scoldings from parents. Right now, you just cant really be bothered to eat all the cookies and stuff and money wise? its just so- so because the real excitment now is to catch up with friends and relatives

Probably this time round I dont feel good because there is something stuck in side and it cant be gottn out so it feels damn....unfinished. Is friendship only worth this much or does this happens because a real friendship wasnt really there in the first place as the initial part was just fun fun fun? As much as I dont want to get bothered by it or think about it, but really, you just cannot help it but think and think....it just sux to the max.........

And everything is the start already....he is officially flying and although i've said before and i know i can have my own personal time and friends when he is not around, the thought and feeling that he isnt around is also a weird new feeling to experience, i guess the impact hits especially when its festive season or when he cannot go gatherings and stuff?

new feelings, new hurt, new thought for the new year