Saturday, March 3, 2007 | 10:34 PM

NIL

I woke up feeling terrible, not only because i slpt at 630 earlier on or because of my bad throat or fever or swollen eyes or because i haven do my paperwork.....but because of the words that was exchanged earlier on.....it sux and hurts to know how much one can hurt others when the person is suppose to be someone close to you....i feel like a big fat bloody bitch cas im the cause of everything bad.....probably all these is happening due to my own selfishness, probably i should have waited and let myself settle everything first, collect my feelings and thought and emotions before embarking on a new course of action instead of dragging people along with me into my shit....i dont know how long i need to so call collect back and sort out everything before im finally ready, im so confused at this point of time now that i dont even know what i want or what i want to do....i feel very weigh down, very burdened by alot of things esp work....i feel myself suffocating, i feel like i dont have a quiet private time for me to recuprate and breathe..... everything i do, everywhere i go im rushing and rushing and rushing....like now, i can see 2 big paperbags bursting with paperwork and yet i cant make myself go attack them cas im feeling damn affected now....not blaming anyone but sometimes i wonder why izzit so coincident that such incidents always happen when i have a terrible workload to handle...the last time this happened i ended up doing roster till 6am and it turns out to be full of shitty mistakes which till now i haven rectify all of it....whats wrong with me? i just feel like i cant do anything right and why do i always contridict myself? sometimes i wish i can smack myself to wake up my idea, like i cant figure out why am i so stubborn and keep harping on the same few issues and not let them go till i spend time pondering over them?am i too stubborn for my own good? one day....all it needs and take is one fine day for me to crack and break into pieces.....

i was utterly stun when he can mention extracts of my blog perfectly well when sometimes i cant even rem what i wrote

my blog is my own personal space to pen my thought and help me think through stuff better...its soley for myself, it dosent exist for anyone else and its my habit to not mention names on issues that are impt to me so dont come and take my blog as a platform for recognition....just because i mention or dont mention about you dosent mean i dont recognise you or your efforts....if anyone is in a position to comment on you efforts it will definatley be me cas i know the most....