Sunday, January 28, 2007 | 11:04 PM

First post @ office

Darn...this is so depressing...it just occured to me that I may not be able to take leave in March because im still on the stupid probation....damn...there goes my wonderful plan of HK... hmm...guess maybe i can squeeze all my off days together or stg? *depress*

there is still so much to say.....yet as always, not enough time...i seriously need to have some time alone to rest and think......but when?

| 10:42 AM

Feeling.......constipated

I feel overwhelmed

Feel the need to unload and get some stuff off my chest

Yet as usual I cant cas i've supposingly more important stuff to do

Why do I feel affected by merely those few words?

Why do I let myself sink into the guilt pool?

Its madness to feel happy and sad at the same time

Lost yet certain

Im confused

Need to think quietly.....alone.....

Somewhere between the train ride from home to work yesterday made me decide to shelve my plans of saving for a wardrobe and change to a short overseas trip after all these promotions

A short trip overseas alone sounds nice.....

This is the only way to get some real rest instead of those fake off days i been having

And the place shall be Hong Kong

Thursday, January 25, 2007 | 10:41 AM

I Finally Got Abit Time to BLOG

I finally got time to blog...been wanting to blog about so many things yet not enough time to really sort out my thoughts and write w/o compromising work...workload has increased greatly over the past week and this is only a start...cant imagine how jia lat it will get when all my promotions are in full swing...my full workload haven even kick in yet and frens have been commenting i look terribly worn out liaoz....thats bad...im only handing 3 brands now...does that mean i will disappear soon once i get the whole portfolio of 7 brands?anyway like i mentioned before, i do feel there is a lot to learn from this job and i definately wont want to give up just like that, like all those before me...been hearing and getting some little prep talk by office ppl telling me to hang on and things will be better when i understand how e verything works...plus i unlike others b4 me, have almost NIL commitments so its quite ok for me to throw myself totally into work...i've always been a workaholic anyway and when you get so occupied with work there isnt a need for you to anyhow think or ponder over unneccesary stuff....

So far workwise is still so far so good minus all the things im blured about....even though the hours sounds crazy i still like it la...me really cant stand the typical stuck-to-the-desk-9-to-5 job...at least i can wake up abit later to go work...hee....people in office aint too bad...a bunch of nice people Boss included...sometimes i seriously think that boss is one funny and crazy woman... e kinda things i see her do or say really make it hard for me to believe that she's a boss...she dont really act like the kinda boss i expect when i come out to work...staff wise of course there are a couple of 'funny' people around but the rest still seem ok for the time being...probably need more time den i will see what kinda tail they show out...oh this part timer of mine call zai rong is seriously cute too...he really entertains me man plus i can actually label him as a nice fren to have...i cant help but keep laughing esp when he tries to tell me bedtime stories to make me slp earlier...and he can actually chide me when i din go to bed after the stories cas his theory is after listening to stories one is suppose to feel drowsy and slp once the story ends!! How not to crack up with this kinda theory sia? oh and it feels rather weird when shikin actually start calling me boss cas i din even think of myself as one...she's really sweet sia....it'll be nice to get to know her more i think..and she gave me a pleasent surprise too cas she was like very happy when i replied her after she sent me the daily sales sms...to me its polite to reply so that she will noe that i receive the sms but to her she its stg different cas other RMEs dont do that....

Anyway today was my off day....or should i call it SUPPOSE to be my off day....at least this is e first time that i din went back to counter on my off day so i shdnt complain too much about getting all those nonsensical calls....i seriously dont htink i can ever have a proper off day w/o hearing anything from or about work....probably i must go overseas then i can truely can get away from everything for a lil while....was really touched too when i learnt from little boy that he and shikin actually tried to discourage 'mum' from bugging me today cas im off....somehow when he told me about it i suddenly just felt that hey at least there are people who actually cared enuff if i have a proper rest day anot....at least im more like a fren to them than a boss....which is what i wanted...i dont want to be or have some stupid boss attitude or barrier cas i dun like this kinda thing....i just wan them to be able to take me as a fren who can actually help them when stuff cocks up....well whatever it is, at least today i did have some personal time for myself to rest n relax (even though was quite pek chek when kana calls halfway through manicure)....went for a mani and pedi cas i dont feel like cutting my own nails plus my feet is so terrible and so covered up with dry dead skin that i have no choice but to seek professional help...was suppose to go for steamboat with zep roy and his gf too but apparently roy kinda disappeared den said was busy so called off the whole thingy...damn pai sei also cas zeppy waited for me to finish my mani/pedi for like 2hrs????that kuku must be ate too much gong gong yday thats why went there so early to wait! was shock cas i thot he reached ard 6 and i seriously think he aint the type with patience....went to watch another movie 'Babel'....cant believe i actually watch so much more movies in this month alone as compared to the last two years... hmmm.....anyway am really sian to know i have to work tml....have to really work more this weekend due to taka 10%...im starting to hate shopping centers.....

Monday, January 22, 2007 | 10:14 AM

Thots....

I want to blog

I need to blog

But there isnt the luxury of having time to stare at the comp as thots flow through my fingers and turn into words

Lotsa stuff swimming around the brain

Turning back into a major workaholic with greatly increased stress levels

I miss my dodo very very much

I need a proper off day...there hasnt been an off day where im truely OFF

Sunday, January 21, 2007 | 9:51 AM

A Song

最近
演唱：李圣杰

你最近不说话怎么了，为什么
是不是有什么事啊你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱, 有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

想要的我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

成天是这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束不要再疼苦
下一次会有更好的情路

爱 我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

Friday, January 19, 2007 | 10:36 AM

Bloody Busy

Getting busier and busier....all thanks to all those promotions due to vday n cny nxt mth...been only working for like 2 weeks and my workload is going to drive me bonkers soon....been too tired to really blog about anything liaoz...anyway today was a total freakout day man...first time im so bloody careless and lost my hp...left my wrk hp in the ladies at Raffles City and I din even realised i left it there till i went back to counter...was all prepared not to get it back but amazingly the filipino who pick it up didnt off my fone...she actually bother to wait and tell me where she was so that i can go find her and get it back....lucky i call her b4 she board the train to AMK and even more heng she not greedy....everyone was super stun when they heard i manage to get it back...think im too tired or stg....since when am i the kind to be so careless and lose things?

Tuesday, January 9, 2007 | 6:07 AM

Rantings

I suddenly appreaciate the saying that when you take MC for a day, your work just pile up... how totally true it is...cant understand why there are like so many emails in a day, especially when i like just started??? and it totally dosent help that i haven get my own seat yet bcas my department is full to the brim so everytime i go back office i have to 'bunk' in with my boss and obviously i dont have access to the computer since she has more impt stuff to do than me....just glancing at my emails alone made me blur...and it feels darn weird that Im being discussed in emails like i dont exist, discussing if i should be doing certain stuff together with what im being thrown at currently...its just...weird.....anyways i just realised that there is really tons n tons of things im expected to do and handle once i get the hang of the way things work in this business... everything is still so new and foreign to me...maybe if its skincare like what i had been doing last time probably i wont feel so lost since im much more at home with skincare as compared to perfumes...yet i am really thankful and appreaciate that i get the opportunity to learn in this job cas not everyone can get a job they have an interest in...and although im scared that i'll cock things up with all the new responsibilities thrown at me, at the same time i dont want to lose this super good learning opportunity and waste it....hopefully i'll be ok sia...*cross fingers*

that aside, im still trying to make myself to tune out to what has happened....thot i can do that real quick and get most of my spark back... yet those few words he said threw me into turmoils again...just when i tot i can calm myself down...i dont wan any stupid hopes anymore... no more...there has been too many of it and i dont want to believe anymore.......fragilez.............

Monday, January 8, 2007 | 7:35 AM

Im tired of everythingz.......

Took MC today...really didnt want to take when i barely start work but seriously felt that even if i went to work i also wont be able to really concentrate and most probably give a dead fish face... anyway was already kinda sick before this so might as well go see....had a really bad time last night...really felt like i not only got verbally slap but literately verbally punched or stabbed in many places....yet all that was said last night gave me a very different perspective on things and it made me suddenly understand and realise a lot of things too....like why i keep thinking we have a communication problem but he dun seem to think that way and keep siam-ing when i tried to bring it up...or why he thinks im always making a fuss over this problem and i dont htink im making a fuss cas communication is impt in a r/s...or why so many of my frens feel that he takes me for granted and yet he dont seem to think so.....or y he seem to be cant be bothered with me, seem aloof....would haf think thro more stuff if only e stupid msn din hang n den din save everthing in history...now i oni can rem tt e stuff he said hurts like hell cas its like so accusing...like how he said tt i depend too much on him, say he always haf to take care of me n everything...say im slow and inefficient in doing things....e most dumb thing is he actually said he always try to meet me first before meeting his frens which i think aint very true lor....wad the shit...n i think apparently his idea of a r/s is to have someone to fit him, not someone to complement him or to strike a balance and come to a common point with that someone....cant understand what kinda mentality is that...it sounds so bloody selfish......

Seriously I think i really have enough of all these....im fucking hurt and sick with everything... especially with how he blew things up and fit me into the mould that others created years ago... i feel that it aint fair to me at all cas why is he comparing, labelling and linking me with the past? Ya i understand that past hurts and eveything will have a shadow on your present, i myself had the shadow too but its only when you learn how to walk out of those shadows that you will find release and be at peace...i did it though it wasnt easy...i learnt to let go of it and stop it from tormenting myself....so i dont c why is he still not letting go of the past and still holding onto it so bloody closely and enforcing everything to me? arghzzz.....

Its like everything is a total nightmare....everything is happening and changing too suddenly for me to take it and absorb....sometimes i just wish that i'll wake up from this nightmare and everything wont be so confusing again....or i'll slp and then somehow all e hurt and bad memories will suddenly vanish so i wont feel so bogged and burden by everything....yet i noe this wont ever happen....right now i juz wan to haf peace and be at peace with myself....block everything out and concentrate on work properly cas i cant afford to cock anything up... i need peace......i need to forget....cas what happen yday is still too raw, too fresh till it hurts, and i feel miserable, rotten, shittified, confused......and i feel like a whimp cas i feel so confused tt i was ready to burst out in tears when i was out alone....den i'll feel piss with myself cas i think im being stupid and so i contridict myself and den i feel shit and den e whole stupid cycle repeats... totally going bonkers....buay ta han wif myself......i hate this....

Thursday, January 4, 2007 | 6:30 AM

Update of my Wants

8/12/2006

1) $$$$$$

2) that addidas looking boots I nearly bought today --------- dont nid it liaoz

3) that pair of Gripz shoes that I've been aiming for like 3months??-------------want to buy no more liao

4) that wedgie @ Far East (bo pian...now experiencing a shoe fetish phase)--------still KIV

5) Clothes for work!!!!! (ZEP!!! when the shit are we going shopping!!???)------------its never enuff

6) Ipod--------------still lusting and haven start saving

7) Fancl tense-up & supplements

8) Laneige cleanser----------buy cheaper alt Biore

9) Princess Hours + Kim San Soon vcd

10) Brown Addidas jacket that cost $119----------------------------- got one in Jap liaoz

Current Wants

1) $$$$$$$

2) new wardrobe from IKEA and maybe a new room revamp?

3) work pants

4) xun qing ji(old show), jing zhi yu ye and this show i cant rem the name VCDs = 3 set of VCD

5) that nice shirt dress from Joop and the Le Range top

6) a pair of slip on flats or very low heels

7) new contact lens cas apparently my degree increase again

8) the far east tube dress and ice lemon tee belt

9) a nice document bag that cannot look orh biang

10) Lasik

| 5:47 AM

FINALLY

Waaaaaa!!!!! After soooo long of not allowed to blog when I want to, I finally found out WHY I wasnt able to blog! Duno what cookie from this page and google was under duno what restricted website on my comp so now when I switch privacy settings to low then I CAN log in...and I have a very strong idea who the hell did it to my comp...WTS....anyway it feels good to blog again....got so many things to blog till I dont need to blog already....overloaded....anyway shall just highlight on some key stuff I want to blog about

Today/Yesterday
Yesterday was my first day at work...was feeling really apprehensive about it but thanks to people like zep, my all time fav dodo phy and sian ming who gave me the much needed encouragement....first day went quite ok, was rather shock that the big boss actually took everyone out for my welcome lunch at crystal jade...and being one table full of gers we actually took a 2hr lunch at J8...the gers all seem nice, not the old boring kind but more to one bunch of crazy people whose voices and laughter you can hear like miles away....would love to know them better but think thats going to take a long long time since I wont always be in office unlike them whose jobs are all desk bound....anyway felt rather blur by all the stuff that Boss was telling me about...so much paper work and stuff to learn and understand and it seems confusing! Hopefully I'll be able to do it properly bah and dont cock things up.....

Today went to do store visiting with Boss....went down to all the counters I have to look see... was stun when she actually ask me got buy bra with her since M&S was having a sale!!!! I mean its weird leh...today only my second day and im shopping bras with my Boss??? Anyway learnt more about her as a person cas we talked alot today...about her work, personal life, office stuff.... etc....well just hope that my days in this job will proceed on smoothly...I dont want to step on her tail sia! She gimmi the impression that she can be super nice but once you step on her tail you die...RIP....well overall today was interesting although its tiring to visit all 11 stores at one go... end up done with work around 4plus and when I was back nua-ing and online at home chris n mingming want to faint cas I off work so early while they still in office!!! haha dont worry chris I promise next time I will go RC eat lunch with you ok??

and congrats to

My darling first wife( she who shall not be named to give her some privacy)
Feel super happy for her because she got a flat with her beloved!! Wedding bells on the way so I better stay saving up ya? Best part is she's going to live near me!! haha Im going to spoil her future kids rotten!!!

BigBro
This one also another one whose wedding bells are ringing even SOONER!!! Hope the proposal goes well ya?? Very happy for you too!


all these aside, i hope that I'll be happy with my own life too.....and free from the burden thats squashing me down now....