Sunday, December 31, 2006 | 12:23 PM

Stupid Blogger

Bloody blogger....waited for like more then a week before I can actually log in and post...still thought can do daily post when I was in Jap....by the time i finally can log in im already so dead tired...so many things happen and so much to blog...now really too tired to blog...haven been really sleeping...I need a proper rest...super moodyz and worn out with everything...like I said before...if more things come my way I wont be able to take it...and I forsee myself being swallowed up and get lost and drown in all these happeningz....going to cant take it soon....others always say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger....but what if it kills me?what will become of me then???shall blog again when im in a more awake state of mind.................................................... *one foot on the path to singlehood*

Wednesday, December 20, 2006 | 9:50 AM

A Bolt of Lightning....

A bolt of lightning...that's what you are and not a star...as sudden as it lights up the darkest skies, it was gone as fast as it came...just when the dark skies starts to really appreciate the flash of light that cuts through it...it was left with darkness again, left with nothing, back to square one with additional hurt because the sky mistook and thought the flash of light was a star that will hang up there for quite some time... the shock, the hurt, the bewilderment...izzit all real or was it just a passing dream that there was that flash of light? everything is too much to bear so the rain clouds came and left, left behind a gap, a hollow in between the skies...if only that flash of light will change its mind and come back as a star just like what the dark sky thought and not a bolt of lightning....for now its time for the sky to see if the clouds will part and reveal the moon...


Steadfast promises can be emptied...forever is ambiguous...trust that seem so sincere and took time to build up can end up as a powerful hurting tool...the world is always revolving, nothing stays the same...everything is always changing...gut feelings are a good form of judging whats unspoken...

p/s you will be missed not forgotten....

p/p/s if there are more hurts coming along the way...i dont think i'll be strong enuff to handle everything...too much has happened, too little time to absorbed and digest....i wish this was all but a big bad dream...

Tuesday, December 12, 2006 | 3:12 AM

I Am Unhappy

I am unhappy...super duper unhappy and moody...hearing it coming from other people makes it even worst...even others are feeling indignant for me...I dont think I have much perserverance left...Im tired...weary...tired of waiting and hoping and what I only get back is disappointment...it sux even more when he just ' slap' me in the face and say Im always irritating him...can you actually for once look at the reasons for the problem/actions instead of just plainly looking at the symptoms? There are reasons for every action...if you think Im always irriating you why dont you do something to recify it like telling me about it instead of leaving me clueless and wondering why Im always at the receving end of your temper...What I lack now is courage, courage to break free, courage to step out of the comfort zone and into the unknown, courage to embrace the unfamilarity and determination to force and propel myself forward and move on with life....guess what my dodo, sian ming, rando...etc said is true after all...that I deserved better and there are many better guys out there...that I should go and date around and dont restrict myself so fast...Like what I've been brutally hit after hanging around more with friends recently...Friends care and are more concern about me then him...Friends were the once who shared my joy, my anxieties and comfort me and give me assurance when I was feeling down and not him....and its not that he dont know Im feeling down...I just dont see any form of actions at all....I guess to him maybe Im not even worth a friend...

On another note, after talking with someone last night, it suddenly hit me hard....as in what am I doing? What does my actions says?My intention was only to have fun and enjoy myself while stocks last but izzit really the case? Does my plain intentions really seem simple and innocent to others as it is to me?

Sunday, December 10, 2006 | 8:43 AM

Just a lil short post

He's back...and Im soooooo dying to confront him about it just now when he told me he's back....the words are just itching to get their way outa my mouth but I stop myself cas I thought it will be much better if I confront him about it face to face...I just simply dont see the logic...the explanation wasnt even plausible...how can 2 pictures suddenly got deleted away and cant be upload when you can happily put in that stupid picture along with others??Tomorrow...tomorrow shall be D-DAY!!! Grghzzzzaaz....'Hi sweetie'????my blood boils even more...

Saturday, December 9, 2006 | 8:48 AM

Thoughts....

Remembered that I left out some stuff in the previous post about horsing around at Roy's house...We actually wanted to take Jerry home after making him drunk and everything but ended up staying over since everyone except me and Roy were all totally pissed by the alcohol. The guys ended up drinking way past what they intended since Jerry was freaking lucky!!! He actually keep winning at all those cards games we played and ended up we drank more than him...anyway I didnt really fell asleep there so I just jumped at any sound I heard in case Jerry wakes up and puke again....so I knew who woke up and who slept all the way...well, both me and Zep woke up when Roy was going to work...both stoning and nua-ing halfway when Zep decided to go to the loo....I wanted to go too but went to the loo in the room since he went the one in e kitchen...the funniest thing was Zep started cursing and swearing cas he discovered that the toilet bowl was full of FLOATING SHIT mixed with toilet paper and it stinks like hell!!! Thank god I didnt went in! Anyway I was certain the poo poo was done by Ted since he was the only one who woke up halfway...it was freaking funny when we confronted him about it....his logic of not flushing the toilet was this - he couldnt flush all the stuff away so he decided to cover them up with toilet paper since the shit looks ugly and then wait a while more before trying to flush again....ended up he fell asleep so the shit was left like that for hours!!! Gross!!!! Think the toilet was kinda 'choked' since too many of them puked inside hahahah.......

On a more somber note, he went to Genting today with his friends and I couldnt confront him about the picture...I dont think Im being petty...the point is it just dont feel good when I see it in his friendster...thinking about him just makes me uncertain, confused and whatever negative thoughts one can associate....sometimes I seriously dont know if I still have the courage and preserverance or if I should push on after all this time...its like whats the point of pressing on when I dont really feel the reciprocation??? Too many thoughts swimming around and I cant really think straight....maybe it'll be easier to think properly if we can actually have some proper communication...his actions and words sometimes just contridicts each other...it really makes me wonder what am I to him...wonder if Im still important, still being cherished, still wanted...or maybe Im just a convenient form of entertainment, someone he goes to only when he needs help or when things are needed to be done or he needs some taking care of....I need answers...I really do...everything is getting harder and harder now....without answers its hard for me to decide what is the next step I should take...will this trip be the last??Really dont feel like going...totally no moodz....seriously, I think I enjoy myself more when Im with my own friends and I realised that they seem to care about me more than him...if so whats the point of having me around?? or izzit that me being around is the norm for him and he feels that we are stable enough to have nil changes? when he told me that our r/s is stable I really dont know to laugh or cry.....stable?? this is call stable?? if this is called stable then I dont know what isnt.......

Friday, December 8, 2006 | 10:10 AM

My Wantsssssss

Its the season for GIVING!!!! so WHO wanna gimmi all these????

1) $$$$$$

2) that addidas looking boots I nearly bought today

3) that pair of Gripz shoes that I've been aiming for like 3months??

4) that wedgie @ Far East (bo pian...now experiencing a shoe fetish phase)

5) Clothes for work!!!!! (ZEP!!! when the shit are we going shopping!!???)

6) Ipod

7) Fancl tense-up & supplements

8) Laneige cleanser

9) Princess Hours + Kim San Soon vcd

10) Brown Addidas jacket that cost $119

11) TBC

| 9:48 AM

Updates updates updates

Wanted to blog after the SITEX show but too caught up with everything so feel too lazy... anyway I was like packed every single day till now...oh...I actually saw that freaking bastard jerk at SITEX can??? *pengz* Cant believe I actually saw him after managing not to see him for the past 2 years....he was with his gf and even though its damn mean to say this but I'm really GLOATING!!!!!! haha I remembered he used to boast all his gfs were 'my pattern', skinny with long hair....mayb its retribution for what he did or maybe its true love or something but his new gf is seriously both horizontally and vertically challenged(mean yes but just cant help it) and the best part is he x1.5 times his size too!!!! I dont know if he saw me but I was rooted to the spot when I saw him and immediately poke Phy to show her....now kinda regret man...should have made sure he saw me (ME=alive and kicking and living VERY well w/o this kinda bastard around me)....still seeing him brought back all those unpleasent and horrible memories... memories that could never be erased nor reduced the hurt he inflicted...am glad that I dumped him and didnt look back no matter how he blackmail me.....oh..apparently there was another jerk too...the one at our booth selling the same products...gosh...would so love to just slap him or stuff something up his ass for being such a shitty person....no need any mention of names...we all know who Im refering to you shorty asshole who thinks wearing sleeveless is freaking cool (maybe its really cool cas u can air ur smelly moronic armpits)

Well, spent the last couple of days slacking and trying to enjoy whatever I can before 2007... went to sign away my freedom on Mon, visit Zep and Roy for lunch and then shop around town....Tues was spent at Vivo with the Sony people watching movie and giving Zep a surprise dinner visit since he's the only pathetic soul who still has to work when all of us were enjoying... Wed was spent fooling around and going crazy at Roy's house...Shall upload the picts once I get them from teddy bear....damn freaking funny...esp all those picts of Jerry....Think I seriously can compile all his funny antics into a joke book or some sort of picture book to look at when Im feeling freaking sian or upset.....today was spent running errands, cutting hair, settling agency stuff and then met Roy Zep and Wen Sheng for dinner at this porridge place at Chinatown... food was nice! I like the tofu but I miss the tofu at Rabbit shop and Essential brews too....Really freaking keen to play somemore since next week I'll be doing another Sony roadshow...think I'll be feeling really moody by the time I come back from Japan...sianz....am contridicting myself... got a job I wanted and yet i still wan my freedom...its darn priceless..........

Saturday, December 2, 2006 | 10:55 AM

Past Updates

Been meaning to update once my Sony roadshow ends but totally no time and packed till now. Roadshow ended on 26th and I remembered feeling so lost....its like day in day out for the past 2 weeks, 12hrs a day I worked, see, have fun with these great bunch of people and suddenly when everything ends its not the same anymore. Though its been stressful at times doing redemption due to those unethical dealers, its been a nice work time for me, a nice memory to have as one of my last few temp jobs before stepping out into the real hateful world. I never imagined to actually made friends with all of them because I didnt have the intention of making friends, only making money because initially I dont see the point of still making friends when most probably I wont work with them anymore after this. Still, I feel that the bunch of guys gave me the feeling that they treat me and Clara like little princesses there, maybe its because we are the only 2 girls there....all those little things they did everyday, from helping us buy food/drinks, asking if we need help when they see us so stressed up, waiting for us when we both were still stucked with the stupid database, sharing food with everyone......seeing all their little actions really put most of the guys I met during my uni life to shame....seen too many selfish pigs around and so seeing these bunch of so unselfish guys really make a big difference......miss those times and the fun we had together, especially all the Jerry jokes that never failed to cheer all of us up!

Anyway, I was intending to slack for 3 days before working the SITEX roadshow....ended up I suddenly got called up for the Luxasia second interview when I thought it was a total gone case. It came as a surprise, even more so when I actually cleared both the second and third round of the interview and I was totally shocked when they called me up in the evening to offer me the job. Stunning!!! Will be going down on Monday to sign the contract, signing away my last few days of freedom before starting work in Jan...Thinking about it made me feel totally stressed up because I dont know what to expect, dont know if Im up to it, dont know if the job and the pay after comm is ok......special thanks to people like kevin,chris and sian ming who helped me in clearing my doubts about what the shit I have to negotiate for the contract etc. And thanks to ted, clara and wen sheng too for sharing my moment of happiness....it really meant alot to me to have people around me at that point of time.....

Shall update more when Im more awake tmr...eyes closing....